Top 5 B Movies

Originally when I was tasked to draw up this top 5 list of my favorite B Movies (and I use the term “tasked” very loosely here because it’s a task I’m exceedingly happy to perform) I expected I’d spend the next week revisiting old favorites and foisting my 5 favorite in-the-moment (because I find that “my favorite” is a term that is for me fluid at best) B Movies on the rest of you with a little dash of explanation as to why they’re so great. All right, that is still what you’re going to get here but it’s important to note that as I spent the past week working on this project, it became apparent to me that there are almost as many differing definitions of “B Movie” as there are people. WTF OMG! Right? Seriously though, a decision had to be made: I would either differ to Mr. Coats’ editorial decision on the definition of B Movie and write this article from there or would go with my own definition and expect everyone to just follow along. Well I’m too punk rock to let The Man tell me what to write, so we’re going with the latter here.
Originally, a B Movie was a movie created for the purpose of following the primary movie in a double feature. This was way back in the 1930s and B Movies were often little more than an hour long, very low budget, very untried in the talent department flicks designed to give viewers a little more entertainment for their movie going buck (this really makes me wax nostalgic for the double feature). In later decades it graduated away from “second billing film in a double feature” and became more a low budget genre film (typically westerns, sci-fi and horror films were B Movies, as were exploitation flicks). It’s important to note as well that today a B Movie could easily have a budget dozens of times larger than a B Movie from the 70s.
Enough with the history lesson. Halloween is coming and in honor of my own personal favorite holiday, My Top 5 B Movies (of the moment, and in no particular order) are:

The Rocky Horror Picture Show. So filled with fun horror film cliches the only thing horrific about this horror show is the “corruption” of poor innocent Brad and Janet (oh pish-posh, don’t even tell me that in the days of torture porn flicks like Hostel and celebrated cannibals like Hannibal Lector any of the horror elements in this are scary) throughout the night until their inevitable release. This is Tim Curry’s finest performance and Susan Sarandon is perfect. It also holds the distinction of being the longest running film release in history as it has never been pulled from distribution and has been on limited release i various theaters for 35 years now and counting (yeah, take that, Titanic). And it’s a B Movie. Take the time, watch it again, do the Time Warp. Maybe even dress up a little.

The Night of the Living Dead (1968). This film created the zombie sub-genre of horror movies. Zombie movies existed before this film, but they were all of the variety where the zombie was a human afflicted by Voodoo and not flesh eating undead (truly, the modern zombie should be called a ghoul, but that’s another article). In creating this film, George Romero was himself trying to create an homage to the novel I Am Legend, replacing the novel’s vampires with zombies. Having a black actor play the lead role in a film with an otherwise all-white cast was absolutely unheard of in 1968 (really, it’s still pretty darn unheard of, and that is damn sad, people). I can still hear Johnny’s sing-song creepy voice intoning the classic “they’re coming to get you, Barbara”.

The Evil Dead. This movie launched the careers of brothers Sam and Ted Raimi, Rob Tapert and Bruce Campbell, and it’s rare for so many people associated with one B Movie to later find ongoing commercial success for decades to follow (sure Campbell is still likely considered a B Actor, but he’s very much one of the nation’s most beloved of the bunch) which is really pretty darn good for a movie with much of its funding coming from the creators’ parents and dentist. I’ve seen this movie a hundred times and it still doesn’t make any sense. And it’s still one of the most entertaining films I can ever sit down and see again and again.

“One, two, Freddy’s coming for you. . .” A Nightmare on Elm Street came to us in 1984 on a shoe-string budget of 1.8 million (the average budget of films in the mid 80s was reaching ten times this and more) and was the first film role for Johnny Depp. I have a deep fondness for Wes Craven’s earlier, even more B-level B Movies Last House on the Left and The Hills Have Eyes, but neither of these films resonate with me on as much of a visceral level as does Nightmare. To this day, this film (and absolutely none of its sequels) gives me shivers and recently found its home on another top 5 list of mine (scariest movies of all time).

Two movies are fighting it out really hard for this last spot. As much as I love 28 Days Later and want to put it here and as much as I hate gratuitous gore horror films, two words ultimately have the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre beating out those blasphemous fast zombies: John Larroquette.

And those two words are where I’m going to leave you now before I throw in another Blu-Ray and pop me some popcorn.

Breaking Bad

As I mentioned a few posts back I'm going through a massive infusion of old tv shows; right now I'm rotating seasons on Skins and Breaking Bad. The former is a Brit TV teen drama I've watched before and love, the latter comes recommended by my friend Micah.

I'm going to say that, so far, I'm liking Breaking Bad but I can't quite put my finger on why. See, the lead character Walt White (ah alliterative names aren't just for comic books anymore), played by Brian Cranston is not at all sympathetic to me. Which is really odd since you would think a character ravaged by lung cancer and only concerned about seeing to his family would push all the right buttons for me (and if you have to ask why, well then you don't know me and have never read this blog; read the last five years' entries and then come back).

Walt isn't an overly prideful person in the pilot and yet it seems clear that his pride seems to be his only real driving motivation. I can totally get behind him becoming a drug manufacturer in order to provide funds for his family when it seemed like his only option for leaving them flush after his passing. He makes a big deal of his own moral dilemmas in the story and is clearly a man we're supposed to believe is weighed heavily upon by every immoral decision he has to make. I'm so very fine with this.

But then enter the Bill Gates level rich college buddy who not only wants to give him a high paying job, but knowing of his cancer also arranges for 100% health care coverage to be able to afford all of those experimental and unlikely to be successful treatments he so desperately needs. The man of morality should at this moment take the job, the insurance, stop making meth and go from there. Not Walt. Walt instead turns it down, goes on producing meth and lies to his family telling them he did take the offer.

But pride is a tricky bitch you say. It is all powerful and forces his decision. But if any of the rest of his personality and motivations are true, then I call bullshit on pride. If putting aside pride lets him stop the dangerous business of meth manufacture and allows him the treatment, and time with his family, that he needs then pride is nothing. The only real answer is that his family can't be anywhere near as important to him as he, and the creators, wants us to believe.

Pride is a sin I'm very proud to lay claim upon and while I was very fortunate to have 100% health coverage for my own lung cancer, if my best college buddy had ridden in on a white horse and an open checkbook you better fucking believe I would have set everything else I was doing aside in order to suck his coffers dry and make sure my children would always, always be taken care of fuck-all to my pride.

Sons of Anarchy has a drive toward nobility in some of the characters that redeems them for us as the viewer and frees us to invest ourselves in hoping for them that everything will somehow work out. Breaking Bad lacks this because everything the one character we're supposed to follow as the drive of the show is so absolutely flawed and self-interested that he's lost his redeeming qualities. I don't root for him. His family would be better off if he dies before he gets too involved with the dangerous criminal element, regardless of how much money they are left with. The writing is good, but the characters aren't (which is why I never liked Sopranos) and I don't know if good writing will be enough to get me through the second and third season. We'll see.

Shite

On the way to pick Rael up from school today I got pulled over by a California Highway Patrol officer. He said I was pulled over because I wasn't wearing a seat belt (how he would even know that is beyond me. X-Ray vision?). When I showed him that I was, in fact, wearing my seat belt he reached into the car, loosened Tasmia's car seat's belt and cited me for that. That ticket is an $800 ticket. Yes, I know what he did was wholly illegal, but even if I fight it in court it will be his word against mine, which typically doesn't go well for the non-officer in those situations. I can't even pay my water bill on time anymore, how the fuck am I going to do this?

Rael Today (Multi-Posted)

Rael's teacher reports that his behavior issues are at their worst on Mondays and Thursdays, the days when he returns to school after visiting his mother. His behavior issues are also getting so bad that the trajectory he's on is going to see him expelled. For violence. From Kindergarten.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying so hard to hold us all together after she tore us all apart, and just nothing seems to be working.

Happy Birthday

Thirteen years ago, during a one day visit from two of my oldest friends who were visiting from out of country, and already significantly past his original due date, my oldest child Lash ushered his way into this world. He arrived perfectly healthy, and his mother almost died from internal hemorrhaging such that every subsequent pregnancy was always a great concern to me (and rightly such as each subsequent pregnancy had serious difficulties). Because we had arranged gaming session for our visiting friends, all of our gaming group, the aforementioned friends, our roommate Dale and then my mother and sister were all in attendance to welcome him into the world.

I'd like to say I don't feel as if I've drastically failed Lash as a father these past thirteen years. That's what I'd like to say. It's been such a rough life for him so far and I wish so much for an easier road for him ahead.

If Wishes Were Fishes

I think I've reached the point where I'd be happy with a new job that's basically even just a lateral change so long as my personal drama doesn't precede me into it: "the new guy's that guy with the kids getting the divorce from that evil bitch. Poor guy. . ." as happened with my current one. Something a little more mentally peaceful to get me through 'til I can find something real, or until the situation changes well enough that I can get the courts to let me move with the kids.

Friday Night Lite

A side effect of my taking time off to watch the kids tomorrow is that I'll have Friday night free to do whatever it is I want, and am able, to do (after she picks them up in the late afternoon). I haven't had a Friday or Saturday night off from work in more than five months and I'm really looking forward to the relatively inexpensive possibilities.

Which means I have no idea what the heck I'm going to do tomorrow night. All my old U-Club buddies are gone, so doing Car Bombs and Power Hour might be a tad "creepy alcoholic" all by myself. Solo night at the movies means "creepy single guy". And staying home with the PS3/XBox 360 is no different than any other Friday or Saturday night, only earlier. More on this in a future post, but I haven't dated in fourteen years so I have no clue how to go about that or picking someone up.

Now that I think about it, having Friday night free is starting to look like a hysterical nightmare.

Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head

The weather is absolutely haywire lately. Yesterday was another sweltering summer day. Today is a gloomy rain-soaked torrent riddled with thunder and lightning. Thankfully, my mood does not reflect the weather of the day.

Denise was kind enough to give me SECOND right of childcare for her on Friday because the Taylors won't watch the kids for her this Friday (as we covered in last post, she's supposed to be asking me before asking them every time, not after asking them) and so I traded shifts with a coworker to get that day off so I could spend more time with the kids. I had to work today for my coworker in exchange. Denise gets Rael and Tassy on Wednesday until Thursday. I needed a sitter for Lash and Aeia from 3-6 and did as required and asked her. She turned it down. . .why? She has the other two, so why reject the others? I seriously wonder if it's a passive-aggressive response from her towards Lash and Aeia being vocally un-supportive of and angry toward her. Ah well, they had a more enjoyable time hanging out at my work for three hours anyway.

My boss and one of my co-managers are Mexican (no, NOT Mexican American) and have a very nasty habit of reverting to Spanish only when they want to talk shit about someone right in front of them (assuming the person doesn't understand them). I have absolutely no respect for these people; I don't speak anywhere near fluent Spanish but I understand well enough to know what they're saying most of the time and who they're saying it about. It's like working for high schooler ass-hats. Not working with them is one of the things I like about my usual night shifts.

Minor Annoyances. OK, actually a rant.

So we have this court order that lays out Denise's visitation schedule as well as laying out a bunch of rules we both have to abide by. It really seems that Denise thinks the rules shouldn't apply to her, though and it's irking me. Three recent examples:

The court order demands that the children be allowed to continue with all of their preexisting social activities. Denise does not think she has to abide by this and allow Lash to continue gaming, an activity he has been a regular participant of for more than five years. This is really bugging Lash.

The court order demands that every time either of us needs a babysitter for more than two hours we have to ask the other parent before seeking childcare anywhere else. In the past three weeks there have been six instances where she failed to do this (if anyone is counting, that means exactly six of the nine days she had the kids for visitation, she didn't even spend much time with them and should have asked me to watch them and did not). While I wouldn't have been able to watch them on four of those occasions, she's still ignoring this order.

And of course, both of the aforementioned orders were HER demands in the first place, so of course she doesn't think they apply to her.

This weekend the kids report she threatened them with spankings and with sitting on them for misbehavior. We aren't allowed to use corporal punishment or restraint. As these were just threats, I guess they fall more under psychological terrorism (which isn't covered by our orders)instead of actual violations but she's really pushing the envelope.

I'm writing this all here rather than blow up at her over it. It's better that I just keep a log of these things so I can use them in the inevitable return to court.

Paranormal Activity

had a couple creepy/scary moments, especially as I feel I can actually relate to a lot of Katie's anecdotes about the dark presence, paralysis, etc. but once it went down the road from scary haunting to possession, it lost me. It's no Blair Witch and would have been better served by sticking to one genre of horror from start to finish. An invisible monster killing them at the end would have done it so much better--like if it had ended on the scene with Katie being yanked from the bed and out the room with an ending of them screaming off camera and not returning.

TV Minute

Early this summer, in order to cut costs down, I cut back our cable subscription to the barest minimum required to also keep cable internet. Bye bye real channels. Bye bye DVR. I've been doing a lot of watching full seasons and series of tv shows in my tv viewing free time.

I'm really over the whole anti-hero genre of entertainment, but I still found myself really enjoying the first two seasons of Sons of Anarchy. Maybe it's partly due to the male lead trying to bring his motorcycle club back from the darkness, and fucking up every step of the way. Maybe it's Kate Sagal smashing a younger girl's face in a jealous rage. I don't really know but after feeling just lukewarm about the first couple episodes (too much Drea de Matteo) I couldn't keep away from the story.

British tv bugs me because the seasons are too short (6-8 episodes), which irks me whenever I find a show I really come to be fond of. Case in point, the entire four seasons of the excellent series Coupling equal approximately the same number of episodes in one shitty season of Two and a Half Men. In the case of dramas like Skins and Survivors, they still somehow pack in so much story that it's a lot more bearable, but the rare sitcom gem like Peep Show falls all the shorter. It's all the more painful for me when one of these shows then gets canceled. With only two seasons of Survivors, I feel let down by all the possibilities hinted at in what was essentially no more than half a season of traditional US television, where if it had been over here for two seasons there would have been four times the episodes and a lot fewer questions. And don't even get me started on US remakes of British television shows. . .

The last big show I've immersed in so far this summer has been Justified. Terrified it would just be a modern day revision of Deadwood, I had a little trepidation. I will be honest, there were episodes where I found it too easy to stop paying attention and go do a chore while it ran in the background (mostly during the front end of the season). And I really dislike most of the cast (either the characters' portrayal, or just the actor portraying them), but I do love me some Timothy Olyphant, have since Scream 2, and I'm fond of the western, which this channels a bit. End result is that I found myself liking, but not loving, the series and I'll probably give it another look come season two.

Next up, Breaking Bad. . .