This is me, take it or leave it

I am neither Republican nor Democrat, though I have been both. I believe we, the people, have lost the way.

When I was much younger my grandparents taught me to fish and to hunt (slingshot, bow, gun) and how to care for and respect my gear. I've also actually experienced a high school shooting; I know the feeling of abject terror, of people gunned down and still I do not support the idea of removing the right of the populace to own guns. Because crazy and evil, they still find a way. It's time we worked on the crazy and evil of the world, and stopped focusing on tools.

I do not care who you do or do not believe in. The odds are extremely high it isn't the same as me. And I'm all right by that. And it's ok with me if you talk about your faith--as long as you understand the difference between talking about your faith and proselytizing. And don't take my acceptance of your faith as an agreement with it.

I believe drugs should be decriminalized. This does not make me a druggie. It makes me someone who believes people should be able to do whatever they like to their own bodies without our impediment. I think we should all recognize our own high horses and cast aside our alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, prescription drugs, sweets, sex, internet and Indian casinos before we think it's at all not hypocritical to judge drug users for their use and addictions.

I wholly support a woman's right to choose. I also expect any woman I am with to accept that while I am Pro-Choice, if a fetus of mine were ever aborted, our relationship would be aborted with it.

I am a member of the LGBTQA community and that's my business, as who you choose to spend your days with is yours. I believe in equality in all ways for all people, not in all ways for some people and some ways for none.

I believe the world is decidedly short on people who are logical, who believe in personal accountability (and practice it) for their actions and feelings, who are trying to make the world in any way a better place and that it is long on people who are selfish and willfully ignorant.

I am who I am and I work on the issues I see in myself. If a person can't take this, they can go with my blessing. My promise is this: whatever I believe, I will endeavor to not be a dick to you. All I expect back is the same.

Peace out.

Shite

On the way to pick Rael up from school today I got pulled over by a California Highway Patrol officer. He said I was pulled over because I wasn't wearing a seat belt (how he would even know that is beyond me. X-Ray vision?). When I showed him that I was, in fact, wearing my seat belt he reached into the car, loosened Tasmia's car seat's belt and cited me for that. That ticket is an $800 ticket. Yes, I know what he did was wholly illegal, but even if I fight it in court it will be his word against mine, which typically doesn't go well for the non-officer in those situations. I can't even pay my water bill on time anymore, how the fuck am I going to do this?

Reality

I've grown to be extremely effing tired of a certain very-vocal very-minority having the need to share the opinion that my wife should have left me during the four years I wasn't working. Particularly as their opinion completely disregards a teensy detail we'll go ahead and call 'facts.'

Fact #1. For the first four years of our marriage Evan worked full time and went to school full time, even working graveyard shifts while going to school, while Denise remained happily unemployed as a full time student. This was followed by Evan working minimal part time while still going to school and being the primary caretaker of both his children and his foster children, while Denise finally worked full time. This brings us to the period of time we'll call 'fact #2.'

Fact #2. For the four year period of time these very-vocal very-minorities refer, Evan actually worked two, sometimes three, part-time school-year-long jobs while also going to school full time and receiving student aid & loans. During this time Denise worked a job she did not like and very vocally wanted out of it. Despite her and many other perceptions, Evan's income during these four years of "not working" was actually close to equal 40% of our annual income. It was just never given value as Evan wasn't working a 9-5 M-F job like Denise.

Fact #3. In order to accommodate Denise's 'need' to leave a job she didn't enjoy, but nonetheless a job that paid her 175% per hour what she makes now, Evan had to quit school with one semester left in his degree, which also cost him both of his campus jobs, and go back to the 'acceptable' form of work that would allow her to quit: a fast food paycheck supplemented by rent from a roommate she openly hated.

As Evan pointed out earlier, he is so effing tired of this opinion. So, if any very-vocal very-minorities should feel the urge in the future to voice this opinion, Evan is likely to be quite impolite with them in response.

Everyone else can have a nice day!

Low

Lately I feel as if my friends don't care to pay attention to my availability to them at all. When I'm approached with the request for what days work makes me available for any evening fun and I respond, the typical response is to then have a day completely not available to me chosen where they expect Denise to still come and it to be OK leaving me out. It makes me feel less wanted and much more like my presence really doesn't matter as long as the person they really want, Denise, can be there. It makes me feel like the only reason I'm asked is so they can be sure to make plans on days I'm not available instead of out of any legitimate request for planning any fellowship with me. This bums me out more than words can describe and it makes me not want to even answer any more when I'm asked about when I'm available any more.

Of course if I just ignore the question I also somehow turn into the asshole in this equation.

And I don't feel as if there's a "win" in this situation coming. Talking about it is bound to lead off to pissed off people and more hurt feelings. Silence just continues a cycle of activity that's been bothering me to the extreme more and more for many weeks now.

Breathing Out

There are times where our current situation leaving me uncomfortable with being 100% candid in a public forum really drags on me, most especially when I feel an intense need to vent personal frustrations and don't have a private outlet for doing so. If I'm pissed with Denise I can't vent to her about it, and haven't been venting here. If I'm pissed with a close friend, I likewise can't vent to them. It's very encumbering. I often feel as if I can't honestly be myself anymore, the most mundane aspect of my life a possible object of intense scrutiny and misrepresentation, leaving me with the most banal forms of expression. It's encumbering and on days like today where I really feel great amounts of frustration that I need to vent, it gets to be a little demoralizing and increasingly frustrating.

Hello

So, Evan, how'd that whole meningitis plus mononucleosis thing pan out?

Well, it sucked, mostly. The first week was primarily filled with physical misery. Meningitis wreaked havoc with my immune system hassling me with a massive amount of head congestion and fever, both of which I couldn't take anything to regulate because anything that could regulate it would destroy my liver thanks to the mono. Yay! I spent the first week sleeping sitting up on the couch (the only way I could breathe) in mere fifteen minute increments. The fever I handled by blasting my fan directly on me non-stop and constantly wetting myself down with a cool rag. In all of this, I had a lot of help from the older kids and a little emotional support from my friends. Other than most physical exertions tiring me out, week two was much better--all the horrid symptoms having vacated. Still unable to go out much or work at all, I found myself spending a lot of time watching movies and movies and movies, and a couple seasons of Lost. Videogames gave me equilibrium problems after ten minutes of playing them and I still couldn't exert myself chasing the kids around the house. All-in-all I found myself crouching towards boredlehem. Monday of week three I see my doctor, declare I'm ready to work again. . .he agrees but decides to make me take a third week off anyway--just in case. This third week was much more boring: fewer things to watch, the kids were back in school, and my friends pretty much abandoned hanging out or visiting most days. I mastered thumb-twiddling.

I just finished my first two weeks back to "normal" living. Thankfully, my time off work didn't cost me the nice new schedule change I'd finally been able to wrangle right before I got sick. Having the semi-regular and reliable work schedule has caused things to suck there a little less. Sadly, this meant changing our Rock Band weekend friend gathering from Saturdays to Fridays and some friends have been having a little trouble adjusting slash showing up, but I'm finding the adjustment a nice one and happily living life, enjoying the company of friends and family.

Impolite

I think I'm losing my patience for diminished manners in my old age. It used to be that I'd just shrug off someone else's being boorish or rude, but lately I just want to bring the full wrath of Miss Manners down on these people.

Today during my echo cardiogram the tech running my test broke wind, quite quietly but also quite stankily and nary a word of apology or even acknowledgment from her as our closet sized testing room filled with the microscopic particles of rank that escaped her ass. All the while I'm trapped on the table thankful for every time she demanded I hold my breath.

At work I've found my tolerance for assholes greatly diminished--to thepoint I will, and have, refuse to serve someone if they're being particularly annoying douche bags. I feel no guilt whatsoever in this. If you're a drunk (and driving!) in my drive-thru and decide to be particularly crass or douche baggy, you're nixed. If you think it's an acceptable behavior to sexually harass my female staff (or male, but that I never see), you're nixed. I actually don't get people who treat their food preparers so poorly. You may think yourself "better" than your wee fast food employee, but remember, these are the people who just might decide to retaliate with snot burgers. Not that I've ever done that, but I'm just saying. If you haven't seen Waiting, you really should.

I guess it bugs me more when it comes from friends though. Two friends in particular are notorious for not responding to emails, no matter the seriousness of the subject and I find myself fighting a growing urge to just distance myself and break ties. If I'm not worth the time of day for a response or even just an acknowledgment then why should I keep feeling as if they're worth my time of day? The bonds of friendship being strong and all, it makes me feel as if they only go one way.

And by the way, I don't think my echo and treadmill tests went well for me today. At all.

Friday the 13th

How often am I going to be able to sync that title with the day it airs? I'm sure there are people out there who actually know this, or who will feel the sudden urge to look it up--it was rhetorical.

Lemme see, things I may not have touched upon in the last postings. . .

Lash's baseball season is over. Unfortunately, Lash was the very last out of the very last inning of the very last game and some of his teammates used that to try and make him feel as if it was his fault they lost. . .because he's so powerful that team sports are entirely under his control one way or the other. Anyway, I'm glad baseball is over. With one car and conflicting work schedules, transportation was a logistical nightmare.

Speaking of cars, we purchased a new one at the auction while Adam was up visiting. It stopped starting the next day and I brought it in to the shop this morning. Turns out it wasn't starting for purely aesthetic and retarded reasons on my part that we won't get in to, but bringing it in was good as it needed a new front axle and had a bad oil problem, so that was taken care of. Needs a tune up still, coolant hoses replaced and such, but that can wait 'til I can get help from friends rather than paying another $400+ I don't have to mechanics.

Adam visited last weekend. We had a very pleasant time hosting him. A lot of geeky comic book conversation happened, as did the same "I must know NOW" conversation I had with ADJ earlier this year. Played cards, did movies, etc. I am repeating myself some here, I know.

Some of my sunburning from that weekend is still really bad, and that sucks. Have been worrying about friends in nearby wildfire ridden Paradise. Not fun. Have been checking out 4th Edition--don't think it's going to be for us. I said this about 3rd too. . .stupid hobbies. This week the defendants in our lawsuit decided to bog us down in paperwork--that will not stop us. But it blows anyway.

My darling friend Cammie gets married tomorrow. Congratulations, sweetie.

Bored yet?

Running on Empty

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, dear Drew,
Happy birthday to you.

***

Today I have a day of freedom from work so that I can sit with the kids while she tests for the job mentioned in the previous post. I hope to be able to work on some more writing and do a bit of job seeking myself.

If I don't change jobs before then, I've discovered that my next level of burger education will take place during three days in June that include my birthday: June 17-19. Still, though, there's no communication as to what these classes would mean for me promotion and/or salary wise, so I'm not exactly excited or anything, since I don't see a carrot dangled before me.

I've rediscovered my least favorite part of submitting creative work: waiting waiting waiting waiting. Sigh. If I get this it will be a major lift to my morale when it comes to motivating myself to push harder for more creative work. But as the genius of Tom Petty says, the waiting is the hardest part.

I'm not getting along well with a bunch of people right now. Not that any of them are actually putting forth any effort to get along with me either. It makes me a lot more introspective and self-assessing.

Last night I watched the assassination of Robert Redford by the coward Brad Pitt, or whatever it was called. . .it mostly bored me. It was quite pleasant to see Zoe Deschanel in yet another singing role in a film, though. Which reminds me, my copy of Across the Universe is malfunctioning so I need to go visit Amazon soon for a replacement.

So, surely someone has seen it--how is Indiana Jones and the Case of Crystal Pepsi?

Short Circuit

Number five is alive, baby.

Seriously though, I don't have any reason for not blogging lately. My output's been absolutely pitiful the last few months--sorry folks. What can I say? I will endeavor to rededicate my efforts here in order to be a little more entertaining for you. I have, however, been a busy beaver.

I've been working on a writing project that I'm still in the superstitious "too much talk will jinx me" stage, so without giving more information than that, bear with me, and wish me well. When I get out of the jinxy superstitious stage I'll surely be much more talkative about it.

My work at Burgeropolis moves along as it always does. Though I'm happily no longer twice-weekly exiled to the satellite store at Burgerburb. There's a high chance of me going to further burger classes next month too, which will line me up for better pay, benefits, etc. while I continue trying to improve my life beyond Burgeropolis.

Personally, I'm almost entirely a happy guy. There is one, one point in my life where this is quite not the case, and hasn't been for a while, but Denise and I continue to work at that and that is all I can really ask or hope for. Read-between-the-liners can note this is me making it clear that above all things I'm putting life and marriage first here and things are getting better.

The kids are great. Tasmia is a lot more mobile, which is of course nerve-wracking as you have to become hyper-aware of your entire surroundings now, especially when you also have a toddler who actively throws small choke hazards on the floor.

Rael is a lot more communicative, which we know was once a worry of mine. For whatever reason he just decided to take a really long time developing his linguistic abilities. Now he won't shut up. But he's adorable.

Aeia sang at a school talent show last week. Work kept me from attending, but I'm told she did well singing some Kelly Clarkson song. When I let them have Xbox360 time she is also still the clear superior of the two when she and Lash play Guitar Hero II and III. Though Lash is still more entertaining to watch play and acts like he gets more out of it.

Lash is still little-leaguing. His team wins most of their games and he's having a wonderful time. He still isn't fantastically skilled, but I like to think there's some improvement going on. He even stole a base last week. Season ends soon, unless their record decrees they go on to play-offs. I think their record will be making that decree too. We'll see.

Denise has a written exam coming for a new job she's applied for. Not a career-forward move, but better pay, etc. so we'll be finger crossing on that when we're done finger crossing for me. :)

Nerdgaming is nerdgaming and keeps on keeping on. We added a new member to our nerdgaming entourage. Now our chi is a little more in balance.

To Denise and all the other mothers out there, and as years go on I know more and more of you and will now avoid listing names for fear of leaving any out, I hope you have a fabulous Mother's Day. Sure, it's yet another holiday invention for the sake of selling greeting cards, but of them all, I think celebrating motherhood is one of the more honorable and righteous Hallmarkidays.

What else? Movies:
Iron Man: Loved it. Continue to feel RDJ was the perfect casting choice (yeah, yeah Jason, whatever), and am very pleased to announce that The Wooden Girl outright doubled her facial emotive range in this film from one to two. Part of me is afraid, though that maybe Iron Man wasn't really all that fabulous, just that the last 5 or so superhero movies in recent memory have been so displeasing that this one was only good but seemed great. In other words, I fear watching it a second time and feeling as if the origin story drags too long, Paltrow isn't refreshingly new, Howard is more squeekily annoying as Rhodey, etc.

Teeth: I wasn't going to watch this; I was quite clear on this. But I watched it anyway. Somewhat nightmarish. A bit more gruesome (did it also have to spit the bitten parts back out? Really. Ugh). Dug the ending.

I've been watching season 2 of Penn & Teller Bullshit and am now wholly behind the idea of ceasing recycling, other than for aluminum cans, and for after-use restaurant grease as alternative fuel sources. It's (the recycling episode) actually the first episode I went into ready to disagree with and went out of a transformed man. Heh.

You can guarantee that my absolute love for Speed Racer, coupled with my viewing of its various trailers, will most definitely be keeping me out of the movie theatre on that one. Go Speed Go. It looks like it's really just a longish plot-less eyegasm.

Total number of new words Evan's added to the universe's English-language lexicon today: two--Hallmarkiday and eyegasm.

I've come to realize I have a growing resentment for people who offer "help" but never offer babysitting.

lunch is ready and I am hungry, so this is all folks.

Down About It

My past 24 hours (well, closer to 30):
Monday afternoon: get paid. Have meticulous figured budget in head.
Monday evening: get tattoo of Tasmia's astrological sign (Scorpio) to go with others.
Monday night: holiday shopping for Denise.
Tuesday morning: discover that despite budgetting accuracy in-head, ledger is off due to a couple debits that weren't entered when they were deducted...start fretting heavily. Heavily. Borrow a little money & return about 1/2 of Denise's gifts for refunds to cover discrepancy.
All day log: remain frustrated and feeling crappy.

How's your day been?

Funkytown

Apparently, I'm not allowed to share my problems here.

Vacation

Just got in from watching Fingers of Passion play a gig at Off Limits. Good fun, great energy. You can really tell Bandito's a skilled drummer; I just wish the instruments didn't drown out the vocals so frequently. Still, had quite an enjoyable time of it, as usual. Really enjoyed their Go-Gos and Kim Wilde covers (a statement likely causing Ian to cringe).

Ian's been visiting town for the weekend so I've spent some time catching up with him, getting a couple drinks, playing some pool, etc. Continued to get to know Bailey significantly better as well. It's been a while since I've made a new girl buddy. She's fun. Me, I lost our second game of pool (she was my partner) when prematurely sinking the 8 ball. I suck.

Opportunities missed. Opportunities bungled. All in all, a good night though.

Speaking of pools, I accidentally fell asleep for a few minutes while floating in the pool yesterday and now I have a somewhat uncomfortable sunburn on me legs.

12 days 'til Chris returns. A few more days after 'til Travis and Shel are down to visit and make me all jealous and proud. 3 and a half weeks or so until Drew comes to visit. All groovy.

Oh, venting moment--it's been how many years now since I stopped going by my first name and started going by Evan? All of the friends who seemed to have the most difficulty adjusting have finally adjusted and almost never slip up. So why do I still get e-mails from a certain someone I've been friends with for half of my life where she still insists on calling me "David"? It makes me grate my teeth.

Venting over.

Who's watching Bruce Campbell's new show Burn Notice on USA? Yeah, he's just the supporting lead, but still he makes the show.

New Orleans is Sinking

So somewhere in the neighbourhood of two posts ago I lamented how my Veronica Mars enthusiasm is a likely sign of its demise. Latest reports from other outlets have it much more likely that it will return, though fast-forwarded into the future with a possibility of a drastically reduced/changed cast. Le sigh. I would still definitely watch it (hey, over the past year it's usurped Scrubs as my favorite show) but the idea of this Silence of the Veronica Mars revamp scares me a little.

Moving on. . .

Ultrasound numero uno was today. Rael was present and unhappy. Once the whole thing was completed, the technician let it be known that she isn't sure of ANY of her readings because Rael's crying had her too distracted. WTF? If his crying was effecting her ability to do her job properly she should have asked me to remove him--going forward and providing what is ultimately an inconclusive set of results was just entirely unprofessional and has my ire up. What a bleeping waste of time. We might know the actual conception date now; we might have a healthy fetus, we might know the gender now--in other words, nothing has changed.

Error Operator

My printer is not working properly and I have a paper to turn in this evening. Argh.