Strain

I think things are beginning to degenerate for Denise in her living situation with the Taylors. Not caring at all about her relationship with them degrading, but for how it may impact the way the kids are being treated.

Over the past couple weeks Denise has been asking me to watch the kids when she needs a sitter before asking them (something she's required to do by the court but has ignored as a requirement for months and months) which, due to our history and no improvement in attitude towards each other, I just didn't/don't trust is her being a more decent and respectful ex-partner. For the scantest moment I grasped at the delusion she was doing it because word got out of whatever plans I had made otherwise and she would have me take the kids in order to foil those plans. Not generally being a person who holds long to paranoia, this feeling passed and I started forming my opinion that maybe things weren't going as well with her and them as they once were.

Reports from the kids that the Taylors were being more strict with them and not letting them enjoy the same activities any more have been helping this, especially Aeia's report that they blame her and Lash for a lot of things that are actually being done by the Taylor's own boys (I know that this could be kids talking BS but I also trust my kids when pressed to tell the truth to tell me the truth, and I've done a lot of pressing them to tell the truth when topics like this come up).

Anyway, this theory ended up proving more true after talking with the girl I use as a sitter when I work on Wednesdays (Tonia). Tonia revealed to me that she was starting to be used more and more by Denise as well, and that Denise told her that Chrissy told her she wouldn't watch the kids anymore. Frankly, this pleases me just fine; I trust Tonia a billion times more than I do the Taylors with my kids. With anyone's kids, including their own. I'm just glad Rael isn't reporting getting hit by Chris anymore.

None of this surprises me though. Denise is difficult to live with even when you really like her, and our entire prior roommate situation with the Taylors in 2001 disintegrated entirely due to incompatible household styles between her and them so it has been something I'd been expecting to see. Coupled with her telling them, and the courts, that she'd be out and in a place of her own BY August and it now being months past that I'd be running out of patience and charity too. I just hope they're starting to realize just what they've signed themselves up for because two things are going to keep Denise with them indefinitely:

She is far too stubborn and insists on getting a place all to herself,which is something she can not realistically afford without drastically lowering her standards or resorting to getting roommates. Neither of which she's going to do.

She'll never get a place on her own because her credit is abysmal, her income is too low and she broke lease when she moved out of here.

I honestly wish she could provide a more stable living environment for our kids. She could flounder the rest of her life for all I care, except for my wanting the best for our kids so she needs to get her act together or start working her ass off to mend the strain she's putting on the only friendly relationship she still has.

Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head

The weather is absolutely haywire lately. Yesterday was another sweltering summer day. Today is a gloomy rain-soaked torrent riddled with thunder and lightning. Thankfully, my mood does not reflect the weather of the day.

Denise was kind enough to give me SECOND right of childcare for her on Friday because the Taylors won't watch the kids for her this Friday (as we covered in last post, she's supposed to be asking me before asking them every time, not after asking them) and so I traded shifts with a coworker to get that day off so I could spend more time with the kids. I had to work today for my coworker in exchange. Denise gets Rael and Tassy on Wednesday until Thursday. I needed a sitter for Lash and Aeia from 3-6 and did as required and asked her. She turned it down. . .why? She has the other two, so why reject the others? I seriously wonder if it's a passive-aggressive response from her towards Lash and Aeia being vocally un-supportive of and angry toward her. Ah well, they had a more enjoyable time hanging out at my work for three hours anyway.

My boss and one of my co-managers are Mexican (no, NOT Mexican American) and have a very nasty habit of reverting to Spanish only when they want to talk shit about someone right in front of them (assuming the person doesn't understand them). I have absolutely no respect for these people; I don't speak anywhere near fluent Spanish but I understand well enough to know what they're saying most of the time and who they're saying it about. It's like working for high schooler ass-hats. Not working with them is one of the things I like about my usual night shifts.

Minor Annoyances. OK, actually a rant.

So we have this court order that lays out Denise's visitation schedule as well as laying out a bunch of rules we both have to abide by. It really seems that Denise thinks the rules shouldn't apply to her, though and it's irking me. Three recent examples:

The court order demands that the children be allowed to continue with all of their preexisting social activities. Denise does not think she has to abide by this and allow Lash to continue gaming, an activity he has been a regular participant of for more than five years. This is really bugging Lash.

The court order demands that every time either of us needs a babysitter for more than two hours we have to ask the other parent before seeking childcare anywhere else. In the past three weeks there have been six instances where she failed to do this (if anyone is counting, that means exactly six of the nine days she had the kids for visitation, she didn't even spend much time with them and should have asked me to watch them and did not). While I wouldn't have been able to watch them on four of those occasions, she's still ignoring this order.

And of course, both of the aforementioned orders were HER demands in the first place, so of course she doesn't think they apply to her.

This weekend the kids report she threatened them with spankings and with sitting on them for misbehavior. We aren't allowed to use corporal punishment or restraint. As these were just threats, I guess they fall more under psychological terrorism (which isn't covered by our orders)instead of actual violations but she's really pushing the envelope.

I'm writing this all here rather than blow up at her over it. It's better that I just keep a log of these things so I can use them in the inevitable return to court.

Start Rant

Today's plan:
8: drop kids at school
8:15: deliver Tassy, and Denise's ridiculous log book, to Denise
9: go to bank and open up account for currently accessible portion of Lash's settlement
?:??-2: take a nap and catch up on all the sleep I've missed this month.
4: go to work.

Step four is currently off because step three has been derailed by Denise's continued refusal to be cooperative. Knowing she's needed to show up and sign a signature card for Lash's account, she is nowhere to be found and refuses to answer phone calls from me (nothing new there), the bank and even her work. So now I'm home in wait mode to hear from the bank as to whether they ever get a hold of her.

End rant.

The Abduction, part 1

Last night I had the nightmare that Denise abducted the kids again (specifically, she only abducted Rael and Tasmia in this dream, not that it makes the dream at all more pleasant). This is a fear (and in its event, a horror) I wouldn't wish upon anyone. It's also a horror I'd like to get over, but I fear that will be a long, long time coming.

Back in April of this year I confronted Denise with evidence of her using drugs after our split, and of her being under their influence while she was taking care of the kids. Under the advice of dear friends I let Denise know that I wanted her to seek drug counseling or provide a clean drug test. She, of course, grew agitated and an argument ensued (as happened every time we ever discussed something that wasn't favoring her). During the course of this argument I called her a cunt, something I'd never done in thirteen years together.

Two days later while I was at work, and with the aid of her parents and my self-defining "only friends" the Taylors, she kidnapped our children and went into hiding. At the time, we had been working toward divorce as amicably as possible (which still wasn't very amicable) and there wasn't yet a court order for custody or visitation. Because of this the police refused to do anything to help, even when faced with legal precedents and statutes that demanded it. Denise sought, and was denied, a restraining order against me. The abduction happened on a Friday afternoon, so I couldn't utilize the court for assistance until Monday (and was able, based on the evidence of her past neglects and her current abduction to get a hearing the very next day, Tuesday).

Friends stayed with me throughout the weekend, lending what support they could. All the while, the absence of the children was keenly felt. There was none of their laughter, none of their smiling faces, none of their playing games, none of their peaceful sleeping. Toys lay on the floor calling attention to the kids' absence. Nothing in life has ever hurt as much as this horrific act.

At the hearing that Tuesday, the courts returned the children to my primary care, allowing Denise to only see them from Friday afternoon until Monday morning. The children returning home at six that night was, equal to the heartache of their abduction, the happiest moment in my memory. What followed was four long, frustrating months of court battles over custody finally culminating in the same visitation schedule for the oldest two kids and an additional time allotted to her with the youngest two from Weds. afternoon until Thurs. morning (optional for Lash and Aeia).

The abduction has devastated what little relationship was left between Denise and the eldest kids. Lash, in typical teenager fashion just goes with the flow of the court's demands while he'd rather not see her. Aeia is instead very vocal about her feelings towards her mother and wants nothing to do with her (this week she even told her counselor and me that she doesn't like her mother and counseling isn't going to fix it, so she wants to end counseling because everything else in her life makes her happy). Rael's trauma from the abduction is keenest whenever his mother talks to him about her eventually getting a place of her own (she's been staying with the Taylors these past months), which he equates to her stealing him again and keeping him from me.

And me? Every weekend I send the kids off with Denise and feel the same emptiness of their absence while they're gone. Every weekend the fear returns that some insane thing will set this woman I believe to be unstable off and she'll take them again despite court orders. Every weekend I revisit the fear that Friday was the last time I'll ever see them again.

And somehow there are still some people who think I'm the bad guy because I called Denise a cunt.

Reality

I've grown to be extremely effing tired of a certain very-vocal very-minority having the need to share the opinion that my wife should have left me during the four years I wasn't working. Particularly as their opinion completely disregards a teensy detail we'll go ahead and call 'facts.'

Fact #1. For the first four years of our marriage Evan worked full time and went to school full time, even working graveyard shifts while going to school, while Denise remained happily unemployed as a full time student. This was followed by Evan working minimal part time while still going to school and being the primary caretaker of both his children and his foster children, while Denise finally worked full time. This brings us to the period of time we'll call 'fact #2.'

Fact #2. For the four year period of time these very-vocal very-minorities refer, Evan actually worked two, sometimes three, part-time school-year-long jobs while also going to school full time and receiving student aid & loans. During this time Denise worked a job she did not like and very vocally wanted out of it. Despite her and many other perceptions, Evan's income during these four years of "not working" was actually close to equal 40% of our annual income. It was just never given value as Evan wasn't working a 9-5 M-F job like Denise.

Fact #3. In order to accommodate Denise's 'need' to leave a job she didn't enjoy, but nonetheless a job that paid her 175% per hour what she makes now, Evan had to quit school with one semester left in his degree, which also cost him both of his campus jobs, and go back to the 'acceptable' form of work that would allow her to quit: a fast food paycheck supplemented by rent from a roommate she openly hated.

As Evan pointed out earlier, he is so effing tired of this opinion. So, if any very-vocal very-minorities should feel the urge in the future to voice this opinion, Evan is likely to be quite impolite with them in response.

Everyone else can have a nice day!

Next Year

Last year, my New Years Word was passion (and the decision to continue on with grace, which remains the case). I don't think living a life with more passion was at all a beneficial change in life for me. Being more passionate about my friendships led to caring more about them for both their benefits and their deficiencies which led to disappointment at friends who didn't share nearly the same passion and ultimately their ending. Being more passionate about my marriage led to caring more about our varied problems and a desire to work harder to fix them. Ultimately, this too was a failed decision.

For most of this month my decision had been that this years word, this years goal for personal development and growth would be forgiveness. To work at overlooking the deficiencies of others and instead forgive them and welcome back friendships discarded for caring too much. Over the past week I held to this word-decision if only to hopefully make life at home in some way manageable again.

I can't do it.

I've grown too cognizant of the fact that forgiveness isn't likely in me anymore right now. For whatever reasons, I'm not ready to just overlook the deficiencies of others or the pain others instill. If people can't own the wrongs they themselves commit, I'm not in a place to forgive their faults. I'm finding that I instead feel quite the opposite and am intent on protecting myself instead from the bile expressed by others.

I can't do forgiveness now. So if not that, what? I'm finding that perhaps a much more important word for me to live this year is healing. I think healing will be the most significant aspect of life I should pursue internally right now and recognize in some cases where that may mean not being nice, which is why forgiveness won't always be a component of healing. If I can find myself healing, and if I can help my children to heal any pains of their own, then this years word will have been a success. The best part of healing, besides getting better, is knowing that the friends and loved ones who are there with us are all a positive part of this process.

Re-Tweeted

You may or may not have noticed that I've included my Twitter feed to this blog for the past few months. It's a chance for you to have mini snippets of me during those times I lag a bit more than we'd all like between posts here. And if you're inclined, you should totally follow me. Blah blah blah.
So today I tweeted (egads, I really do cringe at Twitter-speak, though I still use it for its growing universality amongst those who use it) the following: " evan_up Ironic from me, I know: Lately I find myself wishing more of the people closest to me would see the happy things in their lives. "

After the events of my post two previous to this one (that is, after I withdrew from certain other associations), Denise and I spent a good month or more (more) arguing, in our way (which means a lot of arguing from me and a lot of ignoring me slash escaping from reality into a book for Denise) as we worked through a personal problem that'd needed sorting for a couple years now, overshadowed previously by other matters. I feel that, while nothing is ever perfect and never will be, we've come through this together finally and into a much better place for it. I see in Denise though a reticence, a "is this just the calm before the next fight" quality to her demeanor. I regret that I'm probably deservedly to blame for her worrying this way but I hope I can get her to see that I'm happier now we've been working together and I look forward to the future we have more than I ever had in a long long time. I hope she can see the same bright star ahead soon; I'll have to work harder to help show her.

And then there's Aeia. The other day she made up this very charming Christmas card for me and Denise. Anyone who has ever received a homemade card from Aeia knows exactly how special and quirky wonderful these cards can be. This one, amidst all of its quirky Aeia-card perfection was also this bit of a gut puncher: I hope you and mom have a really nice Christmas, at least someone should have one.
Me: *dumbfounded* Sweetie, what's this? Don't you think you're going to have a good Christmas?
Aeia: No.
Me: You think you're going to have a bad Christmas?
Aeia: No. I think it's just going to feel like a regular day for me.
I don't quite know how to tackle that one. I hope we can find a way to make Christmas more special for her. Actually, I think as I typed the preceding sentence I figured out just how. I'll come back to this in a week and let you know how it worked.

To all of my home-fries out there (and if you think this applies to you, it probably does): finals are over, your friends and family love you, stop fretting over the minor stuff (especially, if it applies to you, Burgeropolis), stop worrying about what might happen with situations you haven't even started yet and start them instead--then worry about what to do about them; have more fun, laugh a little more--if you need help with this, call me, but me a drink or come over and kill some zombies or something.

words and music by Eric Idle

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...

Halloweened

Halloween week was pretty good here:

Tasmia had her second birthday. She completely fell in love with her giant stuffed frog that Denise bought for her. I was particularly taken by how carefully she chose to eat her cake: like some sort of prim and proper gentlewoman with the tiniest dainty bites and zero mess or use of just fingers.

Halloween itself was another great success. Friday night we hosted our usual Rock Band party and made sure to include with the invites that the occasion would be a Halloween costume party as well. Everyone who came was up to the task and came costumed or made up to fully celebrate the night. Big ups to everyone who came!

Trick or treating was fun. This was Tasmia's first year as a full-on door-to-door trick-or-treater and she was great with the "Trick or Treats" and "thank you's" at most every door. Costuming this year saw pirates and ninjas setting aside their ages old feud in order to celebrate the gathering of candy together, all under the watchful eye of Jason Voorhies hacking the way to every house for them. Lots of good fun, and loads of pictures have since been uploaded to my Facebook profile.

In non-holiday updates, work has been very busy but nowhere near as frustrating or annoying as it can tend to be. I miss the absence of some friends, though I'm moving on fairly well. This week was also the anniversary of my grandmother's passing and that continues to be hard, but I bottle it well enough *wink*. I think Denise and my relationship is growing stronger and much better communicated, even if the process of getting there sometimes makes it feel otherwise.

It's been a week of fun times, more hope, some stress: the usual.

Mini Zombie Update

Personally, I'm almost entirely a happy guy. There is one, one point in my life where this is quite not the case, and hasn't been for a while, but Denise and I continue to work at that and that is all I can really ask or hope for. Read-between-the-liners can note this is me making it clear that above all things I'm putting life and marriage first here and things are getting better.

Ever-After

"Evan, you always write about Rael or Tasmia in your status updates, never the other kids. Don't you like them too?"

Not quite verbatim, but a close approximation to the beginning of a conversation I once had (where, indeed, I pointed out my great love and affection for all my children). And I like, in fact love, all my kids. This post isn't going to be about them. There's someone else I also don't tend to write (directly) about very often, and this post is more dedicated to her: my wife Denise.

Sometimes times are rough; sometime times aren't, and we often disagree, or at least nearly as much as we do agree, frequently about the same things over and over again, but through all these things one thing is certain. I absolutely love her.

I love her figure, the softness of her skin, her smile. I love her brain. I love her thoughtfulness and her thoughtlessness. I love how much she thinks she needs to improve and works so hard to grow into what she feels is a better person. I love her imperfect perfection and while there are many things I would change in our lives, I would never change her.

Thanks for letting me share.

Low

Lately I feel as if my friends don't care to pay attention to my availability to them at all. When I'm approached with the request for what days work makes me available for any evening fun and I respond, the typical response is to then have a day completely not available to me chosen where they expect Denise to still come and it to be OK leaving me out. It makes me feel less wanted and much more like my presence really doesn't matter as long as the person they really want, Denise, can be there. It makes me feel like the only reason I'm asked is so they can be sure to make plans on days I'm not available instead of out of any legitimate request for planning any fellowship with me. This bums me out more than words can describe and it makes me not want to even answer any more when I'm asked about when I'm available any more.

Of course if I just ignore the question I also somehow turn into the asshole in this equation.

And I don't feel as if there's a "win" in this situation coming. Talking about it is bound to lead off to pissed off people and more hurt feelings. Silence just continues a cycle of activity that's been bothering me to the extreme more and more for many weeks now.

Home For the Holidays

Randomly mentionable ephemera:

I need to get one last ingredient today for my award-worthy cranberry sauce and the expectation of it waiting for me come Thursday. And though I have to work Thursday morning, I'm not too bothered over it; it means I get to escape the stress of all the other cooking and entertaining until then.

TV is more and more boring, poorly written, not riveting. . .this season. And then there are gems like Pushing Daisies. Canceled gems. I swear the TV Gods have it in for me: "Hey, check it out, Evan just fell in love with this quirky/entertaining/original show. . .let's make sure no one watches it so it'll tank!" a la Veronica Mars, Wonderfalls, Firefly, Angel. . .I've decided I need to convince the TV Voodoo that I really LOVE everything on the CW, House and the Law & Order franchise, while I really hate the shows I really love. . .

My grandma's memorial is Saturday. I have trepidation.

Blatantly changing painful subjects. . .Black Friday is nearly upon us and I haven't amassed enough crazy wealth yet. That said, if you are someone I would typically be sure to include in holiday gift-giving, I'm likely to just send you a well-wishing note this year in order to focus all my energy on the kidlets. Much love to all.

This has been a very enjoyable quarter for me when it comes to video games. For the first time ever, I have too many new games bought or borrowed that rock and demand my time, and not enough time to play them all equally. For those of you who've been wondering, and don't need full-fledged reviews to convince you (other than my golden word), Little Big Planet, Rock Band 2, Fallout 3 and Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe are all worth their price tags. I am a little annoyed that XBox Live is turning into a clone of the Wii, but am happy to be able to Netflix via my XBox--I might even use that feature now.

Kids are all healthy and happy and enjoying their Thanksgiving breaks. Denise has recently been diagnosed with an amazing number of allergies, and I'm leery of how this will effect the home life for all of us, even if I do want her to have more comfort.

Wow, it's 2 am. . .I should go to bed. 'Night!

M*A*S*H*

Let's see. . .

Denise was very nice to me and got me my birthday gift from her early--Rock Band for the Xbox 360. I am now so very completely breaking up with Guitar Hero. I'm not even going to return her calls. I'm sure we'll still have make-up music together, though. At least until Rock Band gets some Primus and Modest Mouse up in there to go with all the far superior music selection it has. I spent Friday night with Lash and Aeia rocking it out. Spent most of Saturday with John, Josh and Brian also rocking it out, with some duet action with me and Denise on Saturday and today. Great fun. I got a little 'tude earlier today, apologized for it and thought everything was fine, but apparently not. . . anyhow, super super super fun game. Thanks, Denise.

Tuesday Lash left for Whiskeytown Environmental camp and won't be back 'til Friday. I know that Rael, Aeia and I are all missing him (I imagine Denise does too, but she hasn't mentioned anything to me. . .).

Today (the 28th) was Rael's third birthday--we're waiting 'til Lash gets back so we can celebrate as a unit on Saturday.

Unfortunately, while I was at work Rael started having seizures and a skyrocketing fever. Denise ambulanced him to the hospital, and Chrissy was wonderful enough to come over and care for the other kids. Burger Hades didn't think it was enough of a family emergency to let me have a different manager come in and work a double shift so I could leave and be with my son. I feel a little postal (Dev--don't bring this up at work, please). I seriously need a new direction.

And I continue to wait, wait, wait for a sign on my writing pitch. Keep those good vibes continually flowing. At least no news isn't necessarily bad news.

Back from that intermission--the docs ran tests on Rael and couldn't find any definitive thing wrong with him, so diagnosed him with a "virus" and let him come home. I want to have confidence in the doctors (you know how I really feel). I want the doctors to be right. Fuck that, I just want Rael to be all right.

Ranting is done for now. My throat hurts; my head hurts; my heart hurts; my eyes hurt; my finger hurts; my feet hurt; it's beddy-bye for me.

EDIT: Today Rael is, while a small bit warm, running around, playing, jabber-jawing, digging on old Transformers season one cartoons. . .being his usual self again. Glee.

Short Circuit

Number five is alive, baby.

Seriously though, I don't have any reason for not blogging lately. My output's been absolutely pitiful the last few months--sorry folks. What can I say? I will endeavor to rededicate my efforts here in order to be a little more entertaining for you. I have, however, been a busy beaver.

I've been working on a writing project that I'm still in the superstitious "too much talk will jinx me" stage, so without giving more information than that, bear with me, and wish me well. When I get out of the jinxy superstitious stage I'll surely be much more talkative about it.

My work at Burgeropolis moves along as it always does. Though I'm happily no longer twice-weekly exiled to the satellite store at Burgerburb. There's a high chance of me going to further burger classes next month too, which will line me up for better pay, benefits, etc. while I continue trying to improve my life beyond Burgeropolis.

Personally, I'm almost entirely a happy guy. There is one, one point in my life where this is quite not the case, and hasn't been for a while, but Denise and I continue to work at that and that is all I can really ask or hope for. Read-between-the-liners can note this is me making it clear that above all things I'm putting life and marriage first here and things are getting better.

The kids are great. Tasmia is a lot more mobile, which is of course nerve-wracking as you have to become hyper-aware of your entire surroundings now, especially when you also have a toddler who actively throws small choke hazards on the floor.

Rael is a lot more communicative, which we know was once a worry of mine. For whatever reason he just decided to take a really long time developing his linguistic abilities. Now he won't shut up. But he's adorable.

Aeia sang at a school talent show last week. Work kept me from attending, but I'm told she did well singing some Kelly Clarkson song. When I let them have Xbox360 time she is also still the clear superior of the two when she and Lash play Guitar Hero II and III. Though Lash is still more entertaining to watch play and acts like he gets more out of it.

Lash is still little-leaguing. His team wins most of their games and he's having a wonderful time. He still isn't fantastically skilled, but I like to think there's some improvement going on. He even stole a base last week. Season ends soon, unless their record decrees they go on to play-offs. I think their record will be making that decree too. We'll see.

Denise has a written exam coming for a new job she's applied for. Not a career-forward move, but better pay, etc. so we'll be finger crossing on that when we're done finger crossing for me. :)

Nerdgaming is nerdgaming and keeps on keeping on. We added a new member to our nerdgaming entourage. Now our chi is a little more in balance.

To Denise and all the other mothers out there, and as years go on I know more and more of you and will now avoid listing names for fear of leaving any out, I hope you have a fabulous Mother's Day. Sure, it's yet another holiday invention for the sake of selling greeting cards, but of them all, I think celebrating motherhood is one of the more honorable and righteous Hallmarkidays.

What else? Movies:
Iron Man: Loved it. Continue to feel RDJ was the perfect casting choice (yeah, yeah Jason, whatever), and am very pleased to announce that The Wooden Girl outright doubled her facial emotive range in this film from one to two. Part of me is afraid, though that maybe Iron Man wasn't really all that fabulous, just that the last 5 or so superhero movies in recent memory have been so displeasing that this one was only good but seemed great. In other words, I fear watching it a second time and feeling as if the origin story drags too long, Paltrow isn't refreshingly new, Howard is more squeekily annoying as Rhodey, etc.

Teeth: I wasn't going to watch this; I was quite clear on this. But I watched it anyway. Somewhat nightmarish. A bit more gruesome (did it also have to spit the bitten parts back out? Really. Ugh). Dug the ending.

I've been watching season 2 of Penn & Teller Bullshit and am now wholly behind the idea of ceasing recycling, other than for aluminum cans, and for after-use restaurant grease as alternative fuel sources. It's (the recycling episode) actually the first episode I went into ready to disagree with and went out of a transformed man. Heh.

You can guarantee that my absolute love for Speed Racer, coupled with my viewing of its various trailers, will most definitely be keeping me out of the movie theatre on that one. Go Speed Go. It looks like it's really just a longish plot-less eyegasm.

Total number of new words Evan's added to the universe's English-language lexicon today: two--Hallmarkiday and eyegasm.

I've come to realize I have a growing resentment for people who offer "help" but never offer babysitting.

lunch is ready and I am hungry, so this is all folks.

Clerks II

First:

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday, dear Denise,
Happy Birthday to you!

I love you, dear.

Now:
Work has been its typical level of pain-in-the-butt, from even more instances of customer oddities, to new menu items that taste like vomit to Friday when our owner-operator decided to hang out, in the way, through our lunch rush, yelling and screaming at people, calling them names, and so forth because the store wasn't running perfectly (and this was a shift where three personnel didn't show up as well). That last was especially fun.

New car had some massive transmission leaks, and proved to be quickly and inexpensively fixed--woot!

I've just finished outlining my next writing project; now to turn it into a detailed synopsis and pitch. Wish me some efficiency and expediency, folks!

50 Book Challenge #8: Duma Key by Stephen King. Really? Only eight? I am seriously slacking as a reader. Too many (read: one) extra-pleasant distractions plus some mind drudgery (aka Facebook Superheroes application) and a nice up-tick in writing have had me beglecting my books. As for this novel in particular--it was a very slow start (took me weeks to get through first quarter, a couple days for last three quarters), and was very typical post- Needful Things King (which means less spectacular to me primarily due to being less concise, seemingly under-edited for length). I liked the conceit of ghost limbs having magical powers, and the demonic trinket from the sea was both interesting and in its own way un-scary. I think that last sums it best: I miss scary King and wonder what ate him?

Anyhoo, off to phase two of writing project.

Waitress

Watching Denise off to work last night and this morning, at those moments my only thoughts: God, I love that woman. And I do.

Valentine's Day. . .didn't do a blasted thing except send an e-mail and kiss my wife. I feel guilty that I can't be more romantic, but cash is better spent on non-romantic things. Monogamous people have it so easy--they only disappoint one person when they skip out on holidays, Hallmark holiday or no, with gifting. Of course, my favourite lesbian thinks I'm more the girl and Denise is more the boy in our emotions and so maybe I should be huffy with Denise for forgetting V-day. . . nah.

I've decided that I really like Juno after-all. I felt as if the movie dealt with its issues honestly and I haven't disliked a performance of Ellen Page's yet. I am still a little bugged by the non-Arrested Development pairing of Michael Cera and Jason Bateman, though.

If I haven't gushed about it, Once is also beautiful musically & cinematically, though Falling Slowly is not the best song from the film (still a great one). Both of these films had fantastic soundtracks.

I took the weekend off from work (really, only one extra day) and I'm a bit ambivalent about it.

50 Book Challenge #4:
Danse Macabre, another Anita Blake novel. This one threatens to be good with Anita facing pregnancy scares, an increase in focus back on supernatural politics stuff. And then Anita just sluts out a whole lot more again and the book really doesn't go anywhere.

50 Book CHallenge #5:
The Death of Artemio Cruz by Carlos Fuentes, translated by Alfred Mac Adam. I'm surprised not to have read this book in any of my literature or translation classes in seven years at university. There are frequent times I'm reminded of Hemingway. There are also frequent, poignant moments of poetry in the storytelling.

There was going to be more but, seriously, Tasmia is screeching and I can't think.

Groundhog Day

Groundhog day has come and gone and I neglected to find out if the little prognosticator decreed we would have a longer winter. I do know it's been truly effing cold and dreary and I am ready for some sunshine already. My favourite lesbian at work was talking about how she hated the movie Groundhog Day and I chimed in that it was to that movie that Denise and I began our relationship (a topic I don't actually think of much, as our getting together was also attached to a bad memory of losing a friend. . .and I haven't seen the movie since). She then made me do a spit-take by asking if we "were what, chasing the same guy?"

Work has been stressful, what with employees constantly calling in sick, various inspections past and pending, and, of course, the customers. Always the customers. I think some of our customers are the craziest lot of mouth breathers in the world, but some of them are fairly nice too, so I'll be ceasing the bitching, for the moment anyway.

If you're waiting with baited breath for news on my cancer check-up: everything was still clear, so I have another yearlong furlough until I have to go in for testing again. Denise was even nice enough to remember to tell me the good news a whole two days after they called and told her for me.

Aeia turned eight on Monday. Eight. Wow. It's hard sometimes to remember she was the baby that the doctors told us to expect to lose. And now she's eight. Fo' shizzle.

I watched Juno last night. I'm still digesting it. I think it bothered me that Jason Bateman and Michael Cera were in a movie together so soon and not playing father and son. I liked the movie, though, just not sure yet how much. I'm still thinking about it (to steal lines from Cammie stealing lines from Lash).

Ugh, there is dried grease particles in my hair. Fucking gross.

Word to your mothers.

A Life Less Ordinary

I absolutely love that movie, by the way.

Things have been a bit, ah, difficult at work this week. During three of my last four shifts, there have been money shortages from employee tills. I'm one of five employees that were present during all shifts in question, which makes me technically a suspect (which, please, is ludicrous) though, thankfully, no one in charge thinks it's me. We're all fairly certain of who the culprit is, but lacking the proof have to instead enact a bunch of new safety measures that have had the additional benefit of making the work day more complicated and inconvenient while also making everyone grow more paranoid and distrusting of each other. If only I could just castrate the culprit. . .

Yesterday I was able to be home from work long enough to eat a fast dinner and drop a word down in some Scrabulous before Denise informed she needed me to take her to the doctor. She was having massive gut pains and needed to be seen. Hours later she's x-rayed and they see some things that "are likely nothing serious at all" but, if they are serious "could be life threatening and must be attended to immediately" and so we were kicked out of the urgent care place and told to go to the emergency room, where we were told they'd have called ahead and they'd be waiting for us. The emergency room then made us wait an additional two hours before actually seeing Denise and deciding to test for anything.

The end result is that Denise was just full of shit.

However, the nice long wait and worry for this news had me up 'til about five this morning, and I had to be up by nine in order to make it to work by ten. So Evan is a very very tired boy.

* * * * *

I failed in the 50 Book Challenge for 2007. Book 1 for 2008:

Cerulean Sins by Laurell K. Hamilton. Pretty much more of the same. This time without the poor copy editing work of previous installments. And Anita Blake gets a bit more trampy, if that were possible. Still, including the book I'm on now, only three to go before I've finally finished 'em all.

The Middle

My dogs are barking. Day two of full-time on my feet McEmployment, and the shoes are killing me: my blisters have blisters. Can't wait for that to stop. There're lots of interesting lesbian coworkers--enough to keep the place interesting enough to keep me from driving a railroad spike into my forehead: but just barely. So far the people are all allright and the time passes relatively quickly and there are definitely worse jobs to have (like any job on Dirty Jobs). For the last seven years all of my jobs have been the sort that I sit to perform (and I still have the TA/grading job; it just isn't sufficient), so between my lung and my feet, I'm really not used to being on my feet 8 hours straight, 5 days a week. Right now I get home exhausted, grimace while soaking in the bathtub and long for the day my body adjusts.

Denise and I have been having more really big fights, but yesterday was slightly productive. At least I think she better understands my perspective and wants to help things. Hope reinvigorated and all that. Fingers crossing.

Friday night she started having contractions and we were sure we'd end up needing to be off to deliver the baby within hours, but in the wee hours of Saturday morning the contractions stopped. Now they rear their heads somewhat intermittently. If the baby doesn't escape from the vat (Hi, Travis) by Halloween, that's when she's scheduled for having the baby induced. As much as I'm sympathetic to Denise really wanting the baby to just get out already, I'd really be happy with a Halloween baby.

Kids are well. Lash graduated from counseling last week. Woot!