How Do You Say it in Canadian?

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday, dear Adrienne,

Happy birthday to you!

eh.

Memory Lane: Shelley Barker

I started dating Shelley shortly before I turned nineteen. I was still living at home, in Marysville, CA. (gods what a horrible place to grow up) and going to Junior College there. Shelley was a junior in highschool (Lindhurst High School, to be exact).

My friend Marc and I were walking the campus one day when she saw him and called his name--he called her over and introduced us (he knew her from high school, despite their difference in age). We exchanged numbers, spoke for hours that night and quickly became a couple.

Almost as quickly as we began dating (the second date), we began having sex (very very shortly thereafter, I moved into my own place, with roommates), but because she fancied herself a devout Mormon, vaginal sex was wholly off-limits (and so it remained for us for a year and a half). Oral and manual were ok, though my receiving either was rare. Most definitely, the action was all in the ass.

One hundred percent of the times we got to be alone together, we got nasty and she was a big anal pig. It got to be where she would come over before going to school for it, then come over during lunch for it and then again after school. She'd lie to her parents about her work schedule in order to come over and get more anal loving.

Shelley always came from anal sex. She was ravenous for it and she liked it hard and she was not afraid to tell you so. She took enjoyment from walking funny afterwards. She thrilled at the difficulty in travelling my apartment's stairs afterwards.

And we did it everywhere. We did it at home. We did it in the walk-in freezer at our then mutual work. We did it in the movie theatre. We did it in her house. We did it at four in the afternoon on the lawn of her unfenced front yard. We did it while trespassing on some unknown farmer's pasture--and he drove by us on his tractor mid-coitus. We did it in church and in my mother's car. We did it in my roommate's bed.

For two years, I was the ass master and she was my devoted disciple. When we finally moved on to vaginal sex, it didn't feel right. It was too vanilla, and our relationship, especially the sex, was much more chocolatey.

Of course, what I'm not delving into here, and what I should, is a deep and intense description of her many psychoses. This was a girl (and probably still is) with massive jealousy and possession issues, massive daddy issues, massive guilt issues over her religious hypocrisy; paranoia, violence real and threatened; stalking; infidelity...

So much was wrong with her, and was wrong with me from so much exposure to her, that I eventually had to move eight hundred miles away, without notice and in less than a week, in order to separate myself from her and regain my own sense of self and freedom.

That Summer didn't end the story of that psycho Mormon, Shelley Barker, though it did end her hold over me, we still got together on occasion for some nasty anal rough-and-tumble.

Last I heard, she was called back to the mothership in Utah, had gotten knocked up (the poor fuck; better he than me) and was getting married. To this day, I fear she'll show up at my door, kill my wife and try to reinsert herself back into my life.

This is why I shy away from dating other Mormons. The ones following her (and there've been a couple) were never as psycho as she got (though not a single one was very pure and righteous), but I never stuck around long enough to let them get that way.

Pretending to Blog by Posting a Meme

This one via Aimee...

"30 Questions You’d Probably Never Think to Ask"
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?

No, I have never been searched by the cops.

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
Nope

3. When is the last time you went sledding?
17 or 18 years ago

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
Someone else, generally speaking.

5. Do you believe in ghosts?
Indubitably

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Yes, but sometimes my creations are shit.

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
I think she's his ex-wife now. Death did do them part. And yes.

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Vince Vaughan

9. Can you honestly say you really know anything about politics?
Yes, but sometimes I wish I didn't, and I generally try not to ever talk about it.

10. Do you know how to play poker?
Yep

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Yep

12. What’s your favorite commercial?
I really dig the homegrown USA Network commercials with Monk, Psych and the dude from Dead Zone.

13. Who was your first love?
I don't think I'll answer this one.

14. If you’re driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around, do you go through a red light?
Not anymore.

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
Of course, doesn't everybody?

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
LA Dodgers

17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
No

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
Three times per week or so

19. What’s the one thing on your mind right now?
Balancing where my life's going with where my life is at and where it's been.

20. Do you always wear your seat belt?
99% of the time.

21. What talent do you wish you had?
Playing guitar.

22. Do you like sushi?
Yes.

23. What do you wear to bed?
Usually nothing. It depends on circumstances.

24. Do you truly hate anyone?
Absolutely, yes: Bryan Williams, Karla Larsson, David Peterson

25. If you could meet one famous person, who would it be?
Ewan MacGregor

26. Do you know anyone in jail?
Yes. One of the people in question #24.

27. What food do you find disgusting?
Tuna and cauliflower both make me vomit if I can taste them.

28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
I have. It's not a habit I carry around now, but you did ask "ever."

29. Have you ever been punched in the face?
Yes, but it was an accident.

30. Do you believe in angels and demons?
Not in the judeo-Christian sense.

They Came and Chose the Rooster

So Rock Star Supernova ended this week. I pride myself on picking Dilana and Lukas for the top two during the first episode. Patting myself on the shoulder here, but this makes 2-for-2 my picking the winner of this show during the 1st episode. It's also 2-for-2 for my wanting the 2nd place performer to win instead of the schmo who does win. Canada gives us great comedians, when are they going to give us any great musicians?

School Daze

My professor for Sexual Minorities, the Law and Politics (aka the history of the gay rights movement) has this predeliction for looking right at me whenever he makes a "you people" statement (approx. twice an hour) where "you people" are either straight or younger-twenties-college-drunkard-dipshits.

The latter is such a compliment. I only wish I looked like a young twenty-something. As for the former...dude seriously needs to get his straight-dar fixed. It's a little amusing to me, though, and I keep wondering if I'm ever going to make some dramatic exclamation about his misconceptions in class.

As for Creative Writing...I've never had this prof. before, and he does things much differently from all the other creative writing prof.s I've had...I'm still wrapping my mind around how much I enjoy this class or not. My first workshop of my stuff is this coming Tuesday--I imagine having a fuller realization of that then.

Fantastic Four

Four jobs you've held in your life: Telemarketer, Restaraunt Manager, CMG Playtester, English Teacher

Four movies you could watch over and over: Pieces of April; Run Lola Run; Jacob's Ladder; Shaun of the Dead

Four places you've lived: San Luis Obispo, CA.; Yuba City, CA.; on the streets, CA.; Los Molinos, CA.

Four TV shows you love to watch: (Still airing): Rescue Me; Scrubs; Boston Legal; My Name is Earl. (Cancelled): Buffy the Vampire Slayer; Firefly; Brisco County Jr.; Arrested Development

Four places you've been on vacation: San Diego, CA.; My grandmother's house; Santa Cruz, CA.; San Francisco, CA.

Four websites you visit daily: The blogs of all the people who are important to me who blog (in alphabetical order): ADJ, Aimee, Chris, Chrissy, Drew, Shel (I don't visit Travis or Ryan that often because they don't update as often for me); Gmail; Wizkidsgames.com; CSU Chico Homepage

Four of your favorite foods: Egg Rolls; Tacos; Chocolate Covered Cherries; Garlic Bread

Four places you'd rather be: There's nowhere I'd rather be, as I love my family and am happy with them. I'd like vacations, though, to places like Toronto, Florida, Boston, Pismo Beach 1995...

Them Darn Virgos around every corner...gotta love 'em

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, dear Lash,
Happy birthday to you.

Oops, I Did it Again

I made a bit of an ass of myself this weekend. To those of you who are local, and read this (Chris and Chrissy in particular), I apologize.

This is Me?

My Personality

Neuroticism	96
Extraversion	34
Openness To Experience	48
Agreeableness	5
Conscientiousness	8

Find your MySpace, Live Journal Soul mate / Pysch twin Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report Xanga, Piczo and hi5 by Pulseware Survey Software Evan's Full Personality Profile Report Neuroticism 96 Extraversion 34 Openness To Experience 48 Agreeableness 5 Conscientiousness 8You are neither a subdued loner nor a jovial chatterbox. You enjoy time with others but also time alone. You can be easily upset, even by what people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be sensitive and emotional. A desire for tradition does not prevent you from trying new things. Your thinking is neither simple nor complex. To others you appear to be a well-educated person but not an intellectual. People see you as tough, critical, and uncompromising and you have less concern with others' needs than with your own. You like to live for the moment and do what feels good now. Your work tends to be careless and disorganized.This report compares you to other men between the ages of 21 and 40 in United States. It analyses you based on each of the five broad personality domains of the Five-Factor Model (Goldberg, L R. 1999), and the six sub domains at each level. Neuroticism Overall Score 96 Anxiety 97 Anger 93 Depression 98 Self-Consciousness 83 Immoderation 68 Vulnerability 58 You can be easily upset, even by what people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be sensitive and emotional. You feel tense, jittery, and nervous and often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. You may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. You feel enraged when things do not go your way. You are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter if you think you are being cheated. You tend to lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. You are sensitive about what others think of you. Your concern about rejection and ridicule cause you to feel shy and uncomfortable around others. You are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Your fears that others will criticize or make fun of you are exaggerated and unrealistic, but your awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. You feel strong cravings and urges that you have difficulty resisting. You tend to prefer short-term pleasures and rewards over long-term consequences. High levels of stress can lead to you feeling panic or confusion, but usually you cope with day to day pressures. Extraversion Overall Score 34 Friendliness 37 Gregariousness 38 Assertiveness 63 Activity Level 27 Excitement-Seeking 56 Cheerfulness 11 You are neither a subdued loner nor a jovial chatterbox. You enjoy time with others but also time alone. You generally make friends easily enough although you mostly don't go out of your way to demonstrate positive feelings toward others. You like crowds but sometimes feel overwhelmed by them. Sometimes you feel like you need some privacy and time for yourself. You are an active group participant but usually prefer to let someone else be the group leader. You lead a leisurely and relaxed life. You would prefer to sit back and smell the roses than indulge in high energy activities. You enjoy some excitment and risk taking in your life. You are not prone to spells of energetic high spirits. Openness To Experience Overall Score 48 Imagination 50 Artistic Interests 78 Emotionality 43 Adventurousness 0 Intellect 48 Liberalism 87 A desire for tradition does not prevent you from trying new things. Your thinking is neither simple nor complex. To others you appear to be a well-educated person but not an intellectual. You are a moderately imaginative person who enjoys a good balance between the real world and fantasy. You love beauty, both in art and in nature. Sometimes you become easily involved and absorbed in artistic and natural events. Generally you are not considered to be an emotional person, however you are aware of and in touch with your emotions. You prefer familiar routines and for things to stay the same. You can tend to feel uncomfortable with change. You enjoy a certain amount of debate or intellectual thought, but sometimes get bored with too much. Often you exhibit a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. Sometimes you feel a certain degree of hostility toward rules and perhaps even enjoy ambiguity. Agreeableness Overall Score 5 Trust 9 Morality 1 Altruism 1 Cooperation 26 Modesty 74 Sympathy 31 People see you as tough, critical, and uncompromising and you have less concern with others' needs than with your own. You generally see others as selfish, devious, and sometimes potentially dangerous. You believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. You are guarded in new relationships and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth about yourself. You do not particularly like helping other people. Requests for help feel like an imposition on your time. You are not adverse to confrontation and will sometimes even intimidate others to get your own way. You do not like to claim that you are better than other people, and generally shy from talking yourself up. You are not affected strongly by human suffering, priding yourself on making objective judgments based on reason. You are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy. Conscientiousness Overall Score 8 Self-Efficacy 24 Orderliness 49 Dutifulness 0 Achievement-Striving 4 Self-Discipline 17 Cautiousness 22 You like to live for the moment and do what feels good now. Your work tends to be careless and disorganized. Often you do not feel effective, and may have a sense that you are not in control of your life. You are a reasonably organized person and like to have a certain amount of routine in your life. You find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining and are sometimes seen as unreliable or even irresponsible by others. You are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy. You find yourself procrastinating and show poor follow-through on tasks. Often you fail to complete tasks - even tasks that you want very much to complete. You often say or do the first thing that comes to mind without deliberating alternatives and the probable consequences of those alternatives. (Only if drinking)

Feliz Cumpleanos

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, dear Chrissy,
Happy birthday to you.

Old Landlord stuff

So I finally got around to writing our old landlord to demand our security deposit refund. It's only been nearly a year. A testament to how apathy and laziness integrate in my psyche. For fun, I'll be sharing my correspondence with them with you.

Oro Properties
Greg Thomas
Jay & Ann Nelson

I am writing because as of this date, September 8th, 2006, I have yet to receive a refund on my security deposit, nor have I received an itemized list of deductions with receipts.

Under California Law (Civil Code 1950.5(g)(1)), 21 or fewer days after I, the tenant, move, you, the landlord must either:
Send me a full refund of my security deposit, or
Mail or personally deliver to me an itemized statement that lists the amounts of any deductions from my security deposit and the reason for the deductions, together with a refund of any amounts not deducted.

You requested additional time to assess these costs. I have given you more than enough time. Additionally, under the same civil code, within 14 days of completing repairs, you must mail me the correct itemized statement, receipts and remaining refund. As the unit is currently inhabited, the unit has obviously been completed in its cleaning and you have yet to be in compliance.

According to California Supreme Court decision (Granberry vs. Islay Investments (1995)), if the landlord does not provide the refund, deductions and receipts after 21 days, the landlord loses the right to keep any of the security deposit and must refund its entirety to the former tenant: my wife and myself. Civil Code 1950.5(l) dictates that if this matter has to be resolved in court, where a landlord has failed to meet the above stipulated requirements on handling of security deposit, I can be awarded the security deposit, court fees and penalties up to a maximum of $7500.

I feel as if we have been more than patient in waiting for you to perform your duties as legally required and we ask that you now submit to us the full refund for our security deposit of $1200.00 as a year has passed without your deductions and receipts: a significant amount of time beyond the 21 days wait required by law.

Sincerely,
David Peterson
Denise Peterson
address adress address
Chico, CA
9592something

5 Questions, FINALLY, for Shel

Yeesh, you only asked for these months ago--I'm so sorry Shel for not getting here sooner. I love you and am very excited for you.

So, my questions probably won't be too risque, but I hope they remain interesting and thought-provoking.

And remember, you'll now have to think up 5 for me. I'm pretty sure Chrissy still owes me 5 too.

And anyone else who wants me to ask them 5 questions, agreeing to then ask me 5...pipe in and we'll go for it. And I won't be such a slacker this time.

Now on to the show:

1. There are some insensitive fucktards out there who vocalize their opinions about overweight people who are going through the surgery you're going through as being weak and lazy. Knowing my own weight struggles, they're full of shit, but how do you address this issue whenever it comes up for you, if it ever comes up?

2. Will there ever be a child for you together with Travis? If not, why not?

3. Let's talk of vices. Right now, what do you think to be your biggest vice?

4. What was your favorite cartoon growing up? Why? If you were an infidel who didn't watch cartoons, what was your favorite tv show growing up?

5. If you had to lose one of your senses, which one would you choose and why?

Impotent

I saw Bryan today. He's back in Chico. Shit. Damn. Fuck. Piss. Cunt. Motherfucker.

I was driving home from dropping Denise at work and he was riding a bike on the opposite lane, going the opposite direction. He looked right at me. It was definitely him. Fucktard.

Traffic was far too condensed for me to even try flipping a u-turn and running him down. So right now I feel completely useless.

Worse, while I've already passed this info on to the police, I expect them to be equally useless.

It's all so very fucking frustrating.

New Rael Pics

Here's hoping this means he's going to be a reader.

He loves that purple bastard.

New Tat

So here it is, the new tattoo. While I took minor liberties from the original source--changing the ring's colour, changing the interior kanji so that it says "Shi-Jen" (which means "poet") I think it came out really nice.

I expect Adrienne to recognize the source, a rather esoteric celebration of geekdom, immediately--else I lose faith in her. I expect Drew to figure out the source material as well. Anyone else who knows the source will amaze me (except for Chris and Chrissy, who were there for it).

Breathing Fine

Getting back into the school groove has been kicking my ass a little. Couple with that the fact that I've been a little depressed lately, and well here I am chiming in to say I'm not dead and will resume posting and e-mailing soon (reality soon, not Evan soon).

I've seen movies and tv, both bad and good (but leaning towards more bad).

I finally have pictures of my new tattoo--I hope to post them Thursday.

I need to get my thoughts about school and life off my chest. Look for me to share some of that around Thursday too--I hope.

Peace be with you.

I Now Know Exactly How George Felt