The Abduction, part 1

Last night I had the nightmare that Denise abducted the kids again (specifically, she only abducted Rael and Tasmia in this dream, not that it makes the dream at all more pleasant). This is a fear (and in its event, a horror) I wouldn't wish upon anyone. It's also a horror I'd like to get over, but I fear that will be a long, long time coming.

Back in April of this year I confronted Denise with evidence of her using drugs after our split, and of her being under their influence while she was taking care of the kids. Under the advice of dear friends I let Denise know that I wanted her to seek drug counseling or provide a clean drug test. She, of course, grew agitated and an argument ensued (as happened every time we ever discussed something that wasn't favoring her). During the course of this argument I called her a cunt, something I'd never done in thirteen years together.

Two days later while I was at work, and with the aid of her parents and my self-defining "only friends" the Taylors, she kidnapped our children and went into hiding. At the time, we had been working toward divorce as amicably as possible (which still wasn't very amicable) and there wasn't yet a court order for custody or visitation. Because of this the police refused to do anything to help, even when faced with legal precedents and statutes that demanded it. Denise sought, and was denied, a restraining order against me. The abduction happened on a Friday afternoon, so I couldn't utilize the court for assistance until Monday (and was able, based on the evidence of her past neglects and her current abduction to get a hearing the very next day, Tuesday).

Friends stayed with me throughout the weekend, lending what support they could. All the while, the absence of the children was keenly felt. There was none of their laughter, none of their smiling faces, none of their playing games, none of their peaceful sleeping. Toys lay on the floor calling attention to the kids' absence. Nothing in life has ever hurt as much as this horrific act.

At the hearing that Tuesday, the courts returned the children to my primary care, allowing Denise to only see them from Friday afternoon until Monday morning. The children returning home at six that night was, equal to the heartache of their abduction, the happiest moment in my memory. What followed was four long, frustrating months of court battles over custody finally culminating in the same visitation schedule for the oldest two kids and an additional time allotted to her with the youngest two from Weds. afternoon until Thurs. morning (optional for Lash and Aeia).

The abduction has devastated what little relationship was left between Denise and the eldest kids. Lash, in typical teenager fashion just goes with the flow of the court's demands while he'd rather not see her. Aeia is instead very vocal about her feelings towards her mother and wants nothing to do with her (this week she even told her counselor and me that she doesn't like her mother and counseling isn't going to fix it, so she wants to end counseling because everything else in her life makes her happy). Rael's trauma from the abduction is keenest whenever his mother talks to him about her eventually getting a place of her own (she's been staying with the Taylors these past months), which he equates to her stealing him again and keeping him from me.

And me? Every weekend I send the kids off with Denise and feel the same emptiness of their absence while they're gone. Every weekend the fear returns that some insane thing will set this woman I believe to be unstable off and she'll take them again despite court orders. Every weekend I revisit the fear that Friday was the last time I'll ever see them again.

And somehow there are still some people who think I'm the bad guy because I called Denise a cunt.