This is me, take it or leave it

I am neither Republican nor Democrat, though I have been both. I believe we, the people, have lost the way.

When I was much younger my grandparents taught me to fish and to hunt (slingshot, bow, gun) and how to care for and respect my gear. I've also actually experienced a high school shooting; I know the feeling of abject terror, of people gunned down and still I do not support the idea of removing the right of the populace to own guns. Because crazy and evil, they still find a way. It's time we worked on the crazy and evil of the world, and stopped focusing on tools.

I do not care who you do or do not believe in. The odds are extremely high it isn't the same as me. And I'm all right by that. And it's ok with me if you talk about your faith--as long as you understand the difference between talking about your faith and proselytizing. And don't take my acceptance of your faith as an agreement with it.

I believe drugs should be decriminalized. This does not make me a druggie. It makes me someone who believes people should be able to do whatever they like to their own bodies without our impediment. I think we should all recognize our own high horses and cast aside our alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, prescription drugs, sweets, sex, internet and Indian casinos before we think it's at all not hypocritical to judge drug users for their use and addictions.

I wholly support a woman's right to choose. I also expect any woman I am with to accept that while I am Pro-Choice, if a fetus of mine were ever aborted, our relationship would be aborted with it.

I am a member of the LGBTQA community and that's my business, as who you choose to spend your days with is yours. I believe in equality in all ways for all people, not in all ways for some people and some ways for none.

I believe the world is decidedly short on people who are logical, who believe in personal accountability (and practice it) for their actions and feelings, who are trying to make the world in any way a better place and that it is long on people who are selfish and willfully ignorant.

I am who I am and I work on the issues I see in myself. If a person can't take this, they can go with my blessing. My promise is this: whatever I believe, I will endeavor to not be a dick to you. All I expect back is the same.

Peace out.

Next Year

Last year, my New Years Word was passion (and the decision to continue on with grace, which remains the case). I don't think living a life with more passion was at all a beneficial change in life for me. Being more passionate about my friendships led to caring more about them for both their benefits and their deficiencies which led to disappointment at friends who didn't share nearly the same passion and ultimately their ending. Being more passionate about my marriage led to caring more about our varied problems and a desire to work harder to fix them. Ultimately, this too was a failed decision.

For most of this month my decision had been that this years word, this years goal for personal development and growth would be forgiveness. To work at overlooking the deficiencies of others and instead forgive them and welcome back friendships discarded for caring too much. Over the past week I held to this word-decision if only to hopefully make life at home in some way manageable again.

I can't do it.

I've grown too cognizant of the fact that forgiveness isn't likely in me anymore right now. For whatever reasons, I'm not ready to just overlook the deficiencies of others or the pain others instill. If people can't own the wrongs they themselves commit, I'm not in a place to forgive their faults. I'm finding that I instead feel quite the opposite and am intent on protecting myself instead from the bile expressed by others.

I can't do forgiveness now. So if not that, what? I'm finding that perhaps a much more important word for me to live this year is healing. I think healing will be the most significant aspect of life I should pursue internally right now and recognize in some cases where that may mean not being nice, which is why forgiveness won't always be a component of healing. If I can find myself healing, and if I can help my children to heal any pains of their own, then this years word will have been a success. The best part of healing, besides getting better, is knowing that the friends and loved ones who are there with us are all a positive part of this process.

Re-Tweeted

You may or may not have noticed that I've included my Twitter feed to this blog for the past few months. It's a chance for you to have mini snippets of me during those times I lag a bit more than we'd all like between posts here. And if you're inclined, you should totally follow me. Blah blah blah.
So today I tweeted (egads, I really do cringe at Twitter-speak, though I still use it for its growing universality amongst those who use it) the following: " evan_up Ironic from me, I know: Lately I find myself wishing more of the people closest to me would see the happy things in their lives. "

After the events of my post two previous to this one (that is, after I withdrew from certain other associations), Denise and I spent a good month or more (more) arguing, in our way (which means a lot of arguing from me and a lot of ignoring me slash escaping from reality into a book for Denise) as we worked through a personal problem that'd needed sorting for a couple years now, overshadowed previously by other matters. I feel that, while nothing is ever perfect and never will be, we've come through this together finally and into a much better place for it. I see in Denise though a reticence, a "is this just the calm before the next fight" quality to her demeanor. I regret that I'm probably deservedly to blame for her worrying this way but I hope I can get her to see that I'm happier now we've been working together and I look forward to the future we have more than I ever had in a long long time. I hope she can see the same bright star ahead soon; I'll have to work harder to help show her.

And then there's Aeia. The other day she made up this very charming Christmas card for me and Denise. Anyone who has ever received a homemade card from Aeia knows exactly how special and quirky wonderful these cards can be. This one, amidst all of its quirky Aeia-card perfection was also this bit of a gut puncher: I hope you and mom have a really nice Christmas, at least someone should have one.
Me: *dumbfounded* Sweetie, what's this? Don't you think you're going to have a good Christmas?
Aeia: No.
Me: You think you're going to have a bad Christmas?
Aeia: No. I think it's just going to feel like a regular day for me.
I don't quite know how to tackle that one. I hope we can find a way to make Christmas more special for her. Actually, I think as I typed the preceding sentence I figured out just how. I'll come back to this in a week and let you know how it worked.

To all of my home-fries out there (and if you think this applies to you, it probably does): finals are over, your friends and family love you, stop fretting over the minor stuff (especially, if it applies to you, Burgeropolis), stop worrying about what might happen with situations you haven't even started yet and start them instead--then worry about what to do about them; have more fun, laugh a little more--if you need help with this, call me, but me a drink or come over and kill some zombies or something.

words and music by Eric Idle

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...

Stop Loss

The last few months have been a bit of a struggle. Implementing change, even when the results trend toward the positive, is really very hard. Denise and I have grown stronger, fight a lot less. I like to think credit for this is due the extra care we've been putting in to new communication styles, changes in the relationship, etc. My big fear is that it's just because we don't see each other at all at least four days in every week. I'm betting it's most likely some combination of both things.

The last year has seen me struggling with another difficult transition as well. I'd come to realize that one of my longest running friendships had run to the point where it really wasn't a healthy relationship for me anymore. I spent a few months trying to fight myself in this realization, and trying to make this friend change themselves for the sake of saving our friendship, along the way making a lot of personal compromises and sacrifices I really wasn't comfortable with. Sometime in late March we all sat together and confronted this friend with various problems and observations, trying to "help" which to me, at that point, seemed a fruitless activity. And I said as much, that I'd reached the point of being tired of trying, that I wasn't going to try anymore.

This in itself proved a disservice to me, the friend and all of our interconnected relationships. Given the length of time and intensity of the friendship, and the interconnectivity of all my close friendships, declaration of giving up did not come along with a decision to then disassociate myself. This grew into months of expecting him to change without me putting any energy into it anymore, and the growing frustration as things didn't change except for when things would worsen. And somewhere along the way, any voicing of frustration on my part somehow made me a villain, or a tantuming infant rather than be taken as an opportunity for any introspection on any of our parts--a growing contest of who could be the bigger asshole while completely ignoring and invalidating the others complaints.

It took forever for me to get to the realization that the damage this situation was causing our friendship AND my own psyche was far too great. Far too great for the small return the friendship was giving either of us. Hard as it was to do, and it so really was, I removed myself from the equation and cut ties. I miss my friend dearly, but know in my heart that even if we were hanging out, the friendship would just return to the fallacy that it had been for the past 2-3 years. We're going to end up seeing each other at a party this weekend, and I fear myself letting myself go back to the old status quo. I hope I'm stronger than that.

I find myself lonelier these days. The absence of one of my closest friendships is painful. But ultimately, outside of the loneliness the decision has shown itself to be the right one for me. To just remove myself from the maelstrom of bullshit has improved my quality of life on all fronts save for the loneliness one.

I am happier. And I'm happier that Denise and I have grown a little closer in this time (and really, I hope my sharing here doesn't cause her upset or an increase of drama for any of us. I needed to talk about this and tried to be as neutral as possible). I'm happier the kids and I are closer. What's next for Evan? I don't really know. Hopefully there'll be a solution to the loneliness in there somewhere.

Low

Lately I feel as if my friends don't care to pay attention to my availability to them at all. When I'm approached with the request for what days work makes me available for any evening fun and I respond, the typical response is to then have a day completely not available to me chosen where they expect Denise to still come and it to be OK leaving me out. It makes me feel less wanted and much more like my presence really doesn't matter as long as the person they really want, Denise, can be there. It makes me feel like the only reason I'm asked is so they can be sure to make plans on days I'm not available instead of out of any legitimate request for planning any fellowship with me. This bums me out more than words can describe and it makes me not want to even answer any more when I'm asked about when I'm available any more.

Of course if I just ignore the question I also somehow turn into the asshole in this equation.

And I don't feel as if there's a "win" in this situation coming. Talking about it is bound to lead off to pissed off people and more hurt feelings. Silence just continues a cycle of activity that's been bothering me to the extreme more and more for many weeks now.

Breathing Out

There are times where our current situation leaving me uncomfortable with being 100% candid in a public forum really drags on me, most especially when I feel an intense need to vent personal frustrations and don't have a private outlet for doing so. If I'm pissed with Denise I can't vent to her about it, and haven't been venting here. If I'm pissed with a close friend, I likewise can't vent to them. It's very encumbering. I often feel as if I can't honestly be myself anymore, the most mundane aspect of my life a possible object of intense scrutiny and misrepresentation, leaving me with the most banal forms of expression. It's encumbering and on days like today where I really feel great amounts of frustration that I need to vent, it gets to be a little demoralizing and increasingly frustrating.

Hello

So, Evan, how'd that whole meningitis plus mononucleosis thing pan out?

Well, it sucked, mostly. The first week was primarily filled with physical misery. Meningitis wreaked havoc with my immune system hassling me with a massive amount of head congestion and fever, both of which I couldn't take anything to regulate because anything that could regulate it would destroy my liver thanks to the mono. Yay! I spent the first week sleeping sitting up on the couch (the only way I could breathe) in mere fifteen minute increments. The fever I handled by blasting my fan directly on me non-stop and constantly wetting myself down with a cool rag. In all of this, I had a lot of help from the older kids and a little emotional support from my friends. Other than most physical exertions tiring me out, week two was much better--all the horrid symptoms having vacated. Still unable to go out much or work at all, I found myself spending a lot of time watching movies and movies and movies, and a couple seasons of Lost. Videogames gave me equilibrium problems after ten minutes of playing them and I still couldn't exert myself chasing the kids around the house. All-in-all I found myself crouching towards boredlehem. Monday of week three I see my doctor, declare I'm ready to work again. . .he agrees but decides to make me take a third week off anyway--just in case. This third week was much more boring: fewer things to watch, the kids were back in school, and my friends pretty much abandoned hanging out or visiting most days. I mastered thumb-twiddling.

I just finished my first two weeks back to "normal" living. Thankfully, my time off work didn't cost me the nice new schedule change I'd finally been able to wrangle right before I got sick. Having the semi-regular and reliable work schedule has caused things to suck there a little less. Sadly, this meant changing our Rock Band weekend friend gathering from Saturdays to Fridays and some friends have been having a little trouble adjusting slash showing up, but I'm finding the adjustment a nice one and happily living life, enjoying the company of friends and family.

Too Long For Twitter

Three or so weeks this time. . .things have been good. And not so good, but the not so good is really not so bad.

For years now I've been getting this recurring pain in my feet, usually when the weather changes significantly. I've always attributed this to joint pain/arthritis from complications coming out of the many ankle injuries I've had from when I played volleyball. It turns out that I've been partly right all along--it has been an arthritis of sorts. The past two weeks I was suffering some incredible foot pain, often so bad that it made me physically ill as I tried to tough it out as I usually do. Eventually it grew so great that I decided to go to the emergency room right after work (at 2a.m.); my McMinion and buddy Lex did me a massive solid by coming with me (a solid that proved necessary once the pain meds they gave me in the e.r. made it quite impossible for me to drive). It turns out I suffer from gout. Look it up on Wikipedia. Foot still hurts, but being tended to properly and feels much better.

On the moving front. . .Denise and I eventually grew so frustrated and tired of the search that we decided to put the move off at least another year, waiting to see how other things pan out before making the ultimate decision as to when and where to move for the long term. The positive in this is that we then took the money we had saved for the move and did some much needed home refurbishing. It actually almost feels like we have a new home anyway.

This week has a trip to San Francisco that, while necessary, I'm really not looking all that forward to (and a pre-emptive massive thanks to our friends for both helping with childcare and the loan/swap of transportation. Neither of our cars have air conditioning and that alone would make the journey misery); with a repeat trip later in August.

Oh, and a quick shout out congratulations to one of my favorite people, Adrienne, for the birth of her second child!

That's enough brain dump for now.

Thirty Five

Hello Blogland, did you miss me? Every day I log in and see the blog (Shade and Sweet Water is my homepage), note the June 2nd last entry date and remind myself I need to blog. I'll do it tomorrow, I say. Three weeks of tomorrows later it's probably a good time to actually get on my hiney and do some typing.

Let me launch things off with a quick happy birthday shout out to my old San Luis Obispo partner in crime, Tassy. Happy birthday, Tassy! Miss you.

Speaking of birthdays, as most of you are aware, mine was this past Thursday. I took my fifth and final vacation day on Thursday so that I could enjoy my birthday and get paid while I was at it (and also took Friday off for any possible recovery needs, losing my usual Saturday off. No Rock Banding for me tonight. This makes me pout a lot). As birthdays go, the day went 99% groovy and truthfully, if not for some minor annoyances at the very end of the celebratin' it would have been perfect; still it was the finest I'd had in years.

The morning started out with Alex watching the kids for us while Denise and I met with Lash's counselor to discuss his progress and how she'd like us to approach some interactions and behavior modelling with him. This was followed with a quick walk-in trip to Gearhead Barbershop and Tattoo where Denise got her very first tattoo and I set myself up with an appointment to come back later and get more ink done.

Enjoyed some great carne asada burritos from Aca Taco with Denise and Alex and then he and I returned to Gearhead while Denise went on cake and last-minute gift retrieval. In tattoo land I added another "grace" to my arm--this time the Japanese kanji. And going against all reports of what my next intended tattoo would be (an astrological chart on back), I got a chocolate ice cream cone on my left shoulder. Pictures, once I upload them, will be on my Facebook page.

Farewell to Alex, and back home Denise and I enjoyed a bit of quiet couples time, which can be a little tricky when both parties have fresh tattoos to be mindful of.

Present time with the kids: Blu-Rays of The X-Men Trilogy, Lost Season 1, and True Romance. And Region 1 DVDs of Spaced. We're hoping the move won't tax our wallet too much and I'll finally be getting an HDTV with the remainder for my late birthday present so I can fully enjoy these cinematic goodies.

Denise got Chris to make us steak for my dinner and it was perfect. Then some ice cream cake, a little play with the kids and the eventual shuffling off of them to bed. After that we began taking in some of our favorite guests for later night margaritas and Rock Banding (and more prezzies: a microphone multi-tap for Rock Band allowing up to four singers on one slot at once. Harmonizing could prove crazy difficult. Katie and Lisa came along with themselves wrapped as presents with a fun homemade card).

Recovery day was spent with a bit more kid time and me finally tackling the Endless Setlist on Rock Band 2.

Now I've got to start getting myself ready to work again.

Addendum

On the way to work today I realized/began to fear some friends of the local variety might read more into my previous post than is there, and I just want to state that, as I wrote, everything there is an interpersonal exploration of a trait I see in myself, not an explanation that anyone in my life should be expecting me to be pushing them out of it. . .
P, L & H.
Ev

Commitment

I've been doing a great deal of internal exploration of myself and my relationships, the nature of friendship as it applies to me. I don't know if I ever really let anyone who reads this blog have even close to an idea of just how introspective I typically am, or how very calculated I am in almost everything I do. I'm the sort of person who will spend two hours writing a two paragraph e-mail just to make sure that there are no nuances or hidden meanings within that could at all come across without my intending them.

I am digressing, which is a response on my part to procrastinate because I've reached a point where I feel the necessity to start expressing my introspection to come to a even better understanding of myself, and doing so feels a little too raw for me.

Friendship.

For some years now I've expressed dismay over the shorter-lived nature of my localized interpersonal relationships. This would typically come across as a lamentation that I find myself frequently making friends, spending a couple years developing a close-ish friendship and then "losing" the friend when they inevitably graduate from the University and move elsewhere to start their real lives. Some of these people, we stay in varying degrees of touch (my Facebook is riddled with long distance, now mostly cursory, friendships which are much easier to maintain, and I've a handful of long distance friends I know would be instantly close bonded friends if I were local to them) but for the most part, it feels like a longer version of the "single serving friend" from Fight Club. Not single serving, but a soap dispenser that eventually runs out.

I'm beginning to be more honest with myself in that this isn't something that occurs due to the nature of friends being made with college students, but instead I choose to befriend college students because I have to wonder, and have difficulty trusting, whether longer-term friendships and me really work out at all. My closest friends in elementary school were not my closest friend in junior high school who was not any of my closest friends in highschool; and they, in turn, were not my closest friends post-high school. The closest anyone could come, I think, to refuting this is to note my friendships with Chris, Chrissy and Jira, all begun in 1991 and still present, but, by my own rules, I think they aren't refutable. After a small number of years varying between 2-4, they all trickled out of my life, moved away for quite a few years with almost zero contact and upon return, as is natural for all of us, were new and different people in the same, slightly older packaging. I think at my deepest, I considered these newly begun friendships again. This paragraph is riddled with grammatical error.

The longer any relationship lasts, the more complexand complicated they come, the more the energy required to nurture them changes. . .part of me wants to scream that the longer a friendship lasts, the easier it should become, and if that's an honest reality for everyone else, then I, in this particular instance, am discovering myself to be a bit broken. Am I the only one this rings true for? Do I find myself withdrawing quietly from some older associations as I nurture newer ones as some sort of "avoid working on maintaining friendships" defense mechanism, or as a "every one before has proven short, so best keep the attachment level to a minmum" response?

Why do I eventually push or walk away? And if I should, how do I even work towards changing this part of my personal reality?

Come tomorrow I'll probably decide I'm sharing too much vulnerability in my inner workings and delete this.

Feliz Cumpleanos

Happy birthday to you,
Happ birthday to you,
Happy birthday, dear Drew,
Happy birthday to you!

Impolite

I think I'm losing my patience for diminished manners in my old age. It used to be that I'd just shrug off someone else's being boorish or rude, but lately I just want to bring the full wrath of Miss Manners down on these people.

Today during my echo cardiogram the tech running my test broke wind, quite quietly but also quite stankily and nary a word of apology or even acknowledgment from her as our closet sized testing room filled with the microscopic particles of rank that escaped her ass. All the while I'm trapped on the table thankful for every time she demanded I hold my breath.

At work I've found my tolerance for assholes greatly diminished--to thepoint I will, and have, refuse to serve someone if they're being particularly annoying douche bags. I feel no guilt whatsoever in this. If you're a drunk (and driving!) in my drive-thru and decide to be particularly crass or douche baggy, you're nixed. If you think it's an acceptable behavior to sexually harass my female staff (or male, but that I never see), you're nixed. I actually don't get people who treat their food preparers so poorly. You may think yourself "better" than your wee fast food employee, but remember, these are the people who just might decide to retaliate with snot burgers. Not that I've ever done that, but I'm just saying. If you haven't seen Waiting, you really should.

I guess it bugs me more when it comes from friends though. Two friends in particular are notorious for not responding to emails, no matter the seriousness of the subject and I find myself fighting a growing urge to just distance myself and break ties. If I'm not worth the time of day for a response or even just an acknowledgment then why should I keep feeling as if they're worth my time of day? The bonds of friendship being strong and all, it makes me feel as if they only go one way.

And by the way, I don't think my echo and treadmill tests went well for me today. At all.

Mark These Words

My word for 2009 aside, I do have certain goals for the coming year as well (not resolutions, just stuff I'd like to complete, and great if I do, oh well if I don't): win, grow, lose, continue, begin, end, win. This list makes complete sense to me, though I know that my avoiding definition/expansion makes the entire thing perhaps manipulatively vague--I apologize for this, but it'll remain as such for the nonce. I may/will elaborate as goals are met though. More likely will than may.

Last week a dear friend of mine sat me down to talk to me about my clearly being strongly depressed, and the intervention on their part moved me, but admittedly felt to have come from left field because I know that I've actually, as far as general emotions go,been more up than not and on a trend of up being more and more.

Then I read this blog and can see where a lot can be read into things here. I do gripe a decent amount sure. And clearly, reasonably, the passing of my grandmother left me depressed; at the time, motivating me out of bed was a task. Now, I remain sad, ever will, that she isn't here any more, but I'm at peace. I miss her and love her and live my life. You dig?

As much as I complain about my job, I'm actually thankful for it. It pays my bills, mostly, and cares for my family. I may grouse, and do work with thoughts towards something better, but I'm happy to be in the position I'm in when so many people are struggling so much harder right now. I feel fortunate.

Denise and I are in a really good place with our relationship. The kids are healthy and usually happy, always loved and loving. My appetites remain the same; my hobbies continue with the same attention as always. I live life looking forward to what the day will bring me and what I will bring the day.

I've never been the guy who walks around smiling like an insane person, and even at my happiest, I'm not a big laugher (which is actually hard with less lungs). There are days I may have a down mood, a moment of anger. Right now I have a great amount of worry for a large handful of my closer friends, which respecting all of their privacies is all I'll say there.

It makes me happy, touched even, to have been shown that I'm important to others and that they care, and it's because of this I feel I want to assure you all, when looking at my emotional state on whole, I am in a much better place than I was one or two years ago. I am happy.

And damn it, I will get happier.

Changing Lanes

Hey, they can't all be birthday posts. . .even if today is my mother's birthday, and I'll have another one to post in a little over a week.

As a quick aside, I actually like the eponymous movie for this post, even though I'm not typically a fan of any of the principal cast. There are exceptions to everything, I guess.

Some inquiring minds have wanted to know: I am still currently in the fast food management job. After I put in my notice, they rebutted with an offer of more money, an offer which my sense of responsibility and Denise thought I shouldn't refuse--putting us a little bit better financially until I can move on to something more in line with what I want to do with my life (and a nod to friends who have put the idea of relocation out there--I actually will be expanding our focus to include Washington and Canada after the outcome of certain other things are resolved).

Right now, what I most need to do is get myself properly motivated to continue working on story pitches, writing said stories, and trying to get them out there. There are a couple small comics presses I've had my eye on and have kept from moving in on for whatever reason. While I'm thankful to Sean for trying to help me get work at Elfin, I haven't had any response from them to my pitch, so I plan to rework it and try to shop it around somewhere else as well, since I think it's a pretty darn good fantasy story and I want to share it. So, have to move on with that one as well. If anyone wants to volunteer to be my motivational nag, that'd be cool but I'd probably grow to hate you almost as much as I already surely love you.

I feel like there are aspects of my personal life in massive flux right now as well. I feel like many of my friendships are on the cusp of redefinition and something (nostalgia? fear of change?) is keeping me from acknowledging and nurturing these changes in my various relationships: people I feel growing closer, people growing apart, people I want to grow closer. . .such is life.

Neither here nor there: ADJ, I don't believe I've seen any response from you regarding Steph's resurrection and the silence on this is killing me.

Speaking of comics, my quest for an HDTV has me selling more of mine here. Help a brother out, eh? Besides, my friends get shipping discounts.

Silent Hill

This past Saturday I got my nipples pierced. It hurt. A lot. Very few other pains in life that I have experienced do I recall hurting more. I'd rather sport an eyebrow piercing but, well, that would make me less employable. Interestingly enough, my piercer turned out to be someone I already knew IRL, my friend Bandito's band-mate Dirty Jim. "I got my nipples pierced by Dirty Jim" doesn't exactly sound the safest, eh?

Saturday I also invited a coworker to join our regular Rock Band get-together, and she brought one of her friends. And J&J both were fairly ogling and gawky. I hadn't the heart to tell them that the ladies were gay (so very many of my Burger Workers are. An unusually large percentage of the population). All had a blast, as usual.

Retrieved Lash & Aeia from my grandmother on Sunday. Both had a fantastic time on their trip & I'm glad they got to have this special family time they normally don't get as much of. Things are quickly back to noisy normal here.

Work still sucks, but they convinced me to stay (ok, Denise did) and I will continue looking in earnest for something better. Sigh. Denise has some tests she needs to take tomorrow for job qualifications of her own. Loots of luck being wished on that one.

The wildfires here in northern California continue to blaze. There has been very little of this summer that's been smoke-free and safe for the kids to play outside, swim, etc. This is frustrating. I've friends with homes in danger, and this worries me (we had some stay with us one night while they were evacuated. I can't imagine how horrible the feeling is for them). I just want the fires to end. There's been so much ash and smoke thick in the air for so long that I'm beginning to feel like I live in Silent Hill. And it's very hard on me and my incomplete set of lungs as well. Sigh.

I have tomorrow off. A little job searching and some decent r&r would be nice.

Next time...

Friday the 13th

How often am I going to be able to sync that title with the day it airs? I'm sure there are people out there who actually know this, or who will feel the sudden urge to look it up--it was rhetorical.

Lemme see, things I may not have touched upon in the last postings. . .

Lash's baseball season is over. Unfortunately, Lash was the very last out of the very last inning of the very last game and some of his teammates used that to try and make him feel as if it was his fault they lost. . .because he's so powerful that team sports are entirely under his control one way or the other. Anyway, I'm glad baseball is over. With one car and conflicting work schedules, transportation was a logistical nightmare.

Speaking of cars, we purchased a new one at the auction while Adam was up visiting. It stopped starting the next day and I brought it in to the shop this morning. Turns out it wasn't starting for purely aesthetic and retarded reasons on my part that we won't get in to, but bringing it in was good as it needed a new front axle and had a bad oil problem, so that was taken care of. Needs a tune up still, coolant hoses replaced and such, but that can wait 'til I can get help from friends rather than paying another $400+ I don't have to mechanics.

Adam visited last weekend. We had a very pleasant time hosting him. A lot of geeky comic book conversation happened, as did the same "I must know NOW" conversation I had with ADJ earlier this year. Played cards, did movies, etc. I am repeating myself some here, I know.

Some of my sunburning from that weekend is still really bad, and that sucks. Have been worrying about friends in nearby wildfire ridden Paradise. Not fun. Have been checking out 4th Edition--don't think it's going to be for us. I said this about 3rd too. . .stupid hobbies. This week the defendants in our lawsuit decided to bog us down in paperwork--that will not stop us. But it blows anyway.

My darling friend Cammie gets married tomorrow. Congratulations, sweetie.

Bored yet?

Running on Empty

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, dear Drew,
Happy birthday to you.

***

Today I have a day of freedom from work so that I can sit with the kids while she tests for the job mentioned in the previous post. I hope to be able to work on some more writing and do a bit of job seeking myself.

If I don't change jobs before then, I've discovered that my next level of burger education will take place during three days in June that include my birthday: June 17-19. Still, though, there's no communication as to what these classes would mean for me promotion and/or salary wise, so I'm not exactly excited or anything, since I don't see a carrot dangled before me.

I've rediscovered my least favorite part of submitting creative work: waiting waiting waiting waiting. Sigh. If I get this it will be a major lift to my morale when it comes to motivating myself to push harder for more creative work. But as the genius of Tom Petty says, the waiting is the hardest part.

I'm not getting along well with a bunch of people right now. Not that any of them are actually putting forth any effort to get along with me either. It makes me a lot more introspective and self-assessing.

Last night I watched the assassination of Robert Redford by the coward Brad Pitt, or whatever it was called. . .it mostly bored me. It was quite pleasant to see Zoe Deschanel in yet another singing role in a film, though. Which reminds me, my copy of Across the Universe is malfunctioning so I need to go visit Amazon soon for a replacement.

So, surely someone has seen it--how is Indiana Jones and the Case of Crystal Pepsi?

Short Circuit

Number five is alive, baby.

Seriously though, I don't have any reason for not blogging lately. My output's been absolutely pitiful the last few months--sorry folks. What can I say? I will endeavor to rededicate my efforts here in order to be a little more entertaining for you. I have, however, been a busy beaver.

I've been working on a writing project that I'm still in the superstitious "too much talk will jinx me" stage, so without giving more information than that, bear with me, and wish me well. When I get out of the jinxy superstitious stage I'll surely be much more talkative about it.

My work at Burgeropolis moves along as it always does. Though I'm happily no longer twice-weekly exiled to the satellite store at Burgerburb. There's a high chance of me going to further burger classes next month too, which will line me up for better pay, benefits, etc. while I continue trying to improve my life beyond Burgeropolis.

Personally, I'm almost entirely a happy guy. There is one, one point in my life where this is quite not the case, and hasn't been for a while, but Denise and I continue to work at that and that is all I can really ask or hope for. Read-between-the-liners can note this is me making it clear that above all things I'm putting life and marriage first here and things are getting better.

The kids are great. Tasmia is a lot more mobile, which is of course nerve-wracking as you have to become hyper-aware of your entire surroundings now, especially when you also have a toddler who actively throws small choke hazards on the floor.

Rael is a lot more communicative, which we know was once a worry of mine. For whatever reason he just decided to take a really long time developing his linguistic abilities. Now he won't shut up. But he's adorable.

Aeia sang at a school talent show last week. Work kept me from attending, but I'm told she did well singing some Kelly Clarkson song. When I let them have Xbox360 time she is also still the clear superior of the two when she and Lash play Guitar Hero II and III. Though Lash is still more entertaining to watch play and acts like he gets more out of it.

Lash is still little-leaguing. His team wins most of their games and he's having a wonderful time. He still isn't fantastically skilled, but I like to think there's some improvement going on. He even stole a base last week. Season ends soon, unless their record decrees they go on to play-offs. I think their record will be making that decree too. We'll see.

Denise has a written exam coming for a new job she's applied for. Not a career-forward move, but better pay, etc. so we'll be finger crossing on that when we're done finger crossing for me. :)

Nerdgaming is nerdgaming and keeps on keeping on. We added a new member to our nerdgaming entourage. Now our chi is a little more in balance.

To Denise and all the other mothers out there, and as years go on I know more and more of you and will now avoid listing names for fear of leaving any out, I hope you have a fabulous Mother's Day. Sure, it's yet another holiday invention for the sake of selling greeting cards, but of them all, I think celebrating motherhood is one of the more honorable and righteous Hallmarkidays.

What else? Movies:
Iron Man: Loved it. Continue to feel RDJ was the perfect casting choice (yeah, yeah Jason, whatever), and am very pleased to announce that The Wooden Girl outright doubled her facial emotive range in this film from one to two. Part of me is afraid, though that maybe Iron Man wasn't really all that fabulous, just that the last 5 or so superhero movies in recent memory have been so displeasing that this one was only good but seemed great. In other words, I fear watching it a second time and feeling as if the origin story drags too long, Paltrow isn't refreshingly new, Howard is more squeekily annoying as Rhodey, etc.

Teeth: I wasn't going to watch this; I was quite clear on this. But I watched it anyway. Somewhat nightmarish. A bit more gruesome (did it also have to spit the bitten parts back out? Really. Ugh). Dug the ending.

I've been watching season 2 of Penn & Teller Bullshit and am now wholly behind the idea of ceasing recycling, other than for aluminum cans, and for after-use restaurant grease as alternative fuel sources. It's (the recycling episode) actually the first episode I went into ready to disagree with and went out of a transformed man. Heh.

You can guarantee that my absolute love for Speed Racer, coupled with my viewing of its various trailers, will most definitely be keeping me out of the movie theatre on that one. Go Speed Go. It looks like it's really just a longish plot-less eyegasm.

Total number of new words Evan's added to the universe's English-language lexicon today: two--Hallmarkiday and eyegasm.

I've come to realize I have a growing resentment for people who offer "help" but never offer babysitting.

lunch is ready and I am hungry, so this is all folks.

Across the Universe

I hadn't realized how much more "down" seemed to shadow my last two posts until reading Shel's comments. Yes, very much, there have been down moments lately, and someone close to me but displaced who has been finding me downer than usual. That all said, however, while often tired and whatnot, I am a good deal more happy than not. And I thank you, Shel, for also reminding me that there are others who share care with me.

Pressing on.

Just finished watching the eponymous movie of this post. I'm a big lover of modern musicals; I have a soft and tender spot for them. As much as I loved Moulin Rouge, I think the conceit of using contemporary music (ALL Beatles in this one) to help narrate the story really helped to make the movie more moving, rather than just more pretty. Not a perfect movie by far (while arty, post-modern, etc.) it was still a little too Hollywood happy ending, but it left me happy, which isn't the typical for me with the typical Hollywood ending.

Pressing on.

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, dear Chris,
Happy birthday to you.

And a slightly early happy birthday to Joey, Misty, Carly and Robert too.