Monday, August 30, 2010

Rael Today

Today I got a call from Rael's principal because he stabbed another child with his pencil. He's apparently been acting out a lot these first three weeks of school. He had behavioral issues in Head Start and we were able to determine some commonalities between "good" days and "bad" (good days were when I dropped him off and reminded him of behavioral rules, bad days were when Denise dropped him off and paid no attention to such reminders). I worry that his current drop-off schedule is too chaotic for him to adjust at school properly.

We started him in professional counseling. He starts Wednesday.
Posted by Unknown at 10:54 AM
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6 comments:

kennv said...

Could this mean going back to Court at the request of the professional counselor for another 6 months of custody hearings? Or was there an automatic schedule for reevaluating custody in the settlement?

Violence is bad but how bad was it?

I'm sorry, just many questions. The urge to cry "WELL DID YOU TRY THIS?" is always nearly overwhelming, but I know you are trying everything that you think is best already. Instead, I've channeled that energy into a series of clarification questions.

You just have to remain the rock in your kids' lives Evan. Let them cling to you and hope that the sea calms. Hopefully your blog will help you stay grounded, too.

3:30 PM
Unknown said...

Anything could mean going back to court and reopening custody, but unless the person starting the process can show cause it would likely (as in "supposed to, but given how things have gone so far who knows") be cast out. We're supposed to get a date for re-evaluation in about 6 months.

How bad the violence? Last week he apparently shoved a kid as "revenge" for cutting in line. Today he stabbed another kid with a pencil.

We ended up starting Rael in counseling today and he'll be going twice a week.

6:50 PM
Unknown said...

I'm trying to do my best.

6:50 PM
Adj said...

You are doing your best. Even a (supposed) small thing like reinforcing to Rael that he has a good day is a best thing. Getting Rael some help is definitely a best thing.

Just try to provide as much consistency as you can to Rael. I know that sounds trite, but in my experience, it is an increadibly important thing.

6:03 AM
kennv said...

I do not doubt that you'll be there for your kids. Sometimes, I worry that you're trying your best for you. When I read that you are trying your best... well good. It sounds like you are doing as well as possible.

8:03 PM
Unknown said...

I can understand how the casual reader of my Facebook statuses and these blogs might be able to have that concern, I really do. And I don't shy away at all from admitting that a need to pursue what is best for me is also important to me. To not do so could only leave me growing far more bitter and darker than anyone should have to be. Taking care of what's best for me is also of great importance.

A lot of what I see as best for me is knowing my children are safe. What I barely touch upon in any of those public forums is just how much, and why, I don't believe they are safe when they are with her. She is residing, and using as a babysitter, with a man I have seen on multiple occasions strike his own children hard enough to knock them to the ground. A man who just a year ago struck Rael because he was crying. Every few months she herself makes some horribly bad and dangerous decision or just outright neglects the children that one of them risks serious, and even mortal, injury: she has allowed a 4 year old to pump gas--resulting in the dousing of himself and the exterior of her car; Rael at two was neglected in favor of her book or the internet to the extent he left the room, traveled up stairs, built a step-ladder to the window, opened it and jumped out of it, falling two stories.

If this were a normal separation, I would fall in with the belief that it's best for the kids to have unfettered time with their mother. After so many years together, despite my pain, I still WANT to have that belief. But the reality is she has time and again proven too unsafe for them and my simple mistake of not reporting her for these incidents when we were married has caused the authorities to discount them now. I moan and lament their time with her because I know that one of these weekends will end with a visit to the hospital or morgue because she doesn't watch them.

8:37 PM

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