Monday, October 11, 2010
Minding
I started seeing a therapist last week; the same one the kids have seen so there's already somewhat of an established relationship and knowledge of each other and where I'm coming from/what I'm dealing with. Even though we didn't talk about anything I haven't been open about countless times before, and nothing I'm uncomfortable talking about, it still left me feeling fairly morose the rest of the day. I hope this proves to be a productive journey. I wonder whether it will be easier or harder when/if I get around to talking about some of the harder things, like the assault, that I'm only now starting to come to terms with myself.
Thursday, October 07, 2010
Thursday
Things have been equally stressful and pleasant the past week. Tv good. Kids great. Rael is doing so much better in school. Car is dying. Denise is consistent only in her defiance of every court ordered visitation stipulation she demanded in the first place. Money isn't tight; it's completely non-existent.
Actually, when things are quiet the darkness really pushes on me a lot harder than the light. I think I'm drowning.
Actually, when things are quiet the darkness really pushes on me a lot harder than the light. I think I'm drowning.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Top 5 B Movies
Originally when I was tasked to draw up this top 5 list of my favorite B Movies (and I use the term “tasked” very loosely here because it’s a task I’m exceedingly happy to perform) I expected I’d spend the next week revisiting old favorites and foisting my 5 favorite in-the-moment (because I find that “my favorite” is a term that is for me fluid at best) B Movies on the rest of you with a little dash of explanation as to why they’re so great. All right, that is still what you’re going to get here but it’s important to note that as I spent the past week working on this project, it became apparent to me that there are almost as many differing definitions of “B Movie” as there are people. WTF OMG! Right? Seriously though, a decision had to be made: I would either differ to Mr. Coats’ editorial decision on the definition of B Movie and write this article from there or would go with my own definition and expect everyone to just follow along. Well I’m too punk rock to let The Man tell me what to write, so we’re going with the latter here.
Originally, a B Movie was a movie created for the purpose of following the primary movie in a double feature. This was way back in the 1930s and B Movies were often little more than an hour long, very low budget, very untried in the talent department flicks designed to give viewers a little more entertainment for their movie going buck (this really makes me wax nostalgic for the double feature). In later decades it graduated away from “second billing film in a double feature” and became more a low budget genre film (typically westerns, sci-fi and horror films were B Movies, as were exploitation flicks). It’s important to note as well that today a B Movie could easily have a budget dozens of times larger than a B Movie from the 70s.
Enough with the history lesson. Halloween is coming and in honor of my own personal favorite holiday, My Top 5 B Movies (of the moment, and in no particular order) are:
The Rocky Horror Picture Show. So filled with fun horror film cliches the only thing horrific about this horror show is the “corruption” of poor innocent Brad and Janet (oh pish-posh, don’t even tell me that in the days of torture porn flicks like Hostel and celebrated cannibals like Hannibal Lector any of the horror elements in this are scary) throughout the night until their inevitable release. This is Tim Curry’s finest performance and Susan Sarandon is perfect. It also holds the distinction of being the longest running film release in history as it has never been pulled from distribution and has been on limited release i various theaters for 35 years now and counting (yeah, take that, Titanic). And it’s a B Movie. Take the time, watch it again, do the Time Warp. Maybe even dress up a little.
The Night of the Living Dead (1968). This film created the zombie sub-genre of horror movies. Zombie movies existed before this film, but they were all of the variety where the zombie was a human afflicted by Voodoo and not flesh eating undead (truly, the modern zombie should be called a ghoul, but that’s another article). In creating this film, George Romero was himself trying to create an homage to the novel I Am Legend, replacing the novel’s vampires with zombies. Having a black actor play the lead role in a film with an otherwise all-white cast was absolutely unheard of in 1968 (really, it’s still pretty darn unheard of, and that is damn sad, people). I can still hear Johnny’s sing-song creepy voice intoning the classic “they’re coming to get you, Barbara”.
The Evil Dead. This movie launched the careers of brothers Sam and Ted Raimi, Rob Tapert and Bruce Campbell, and it’s rare for so many people associated with one B Movie to later find ongoing commercial success for decades to follow (sure Campbell is still likely considered a B Actor, but he’s very much one of the nation’s most beloved of the bunch) which is really pretty darn good for a movie with much of its funding coming from the creators’ parents and dentist. I’ve seen this movie a hundred times and it still doesn’t make any sense. And it’s still one of the most entertaining films I can ever sit down and see again and again.
“One, two, Freddy’s coming for you. . .” A Nightmare on Elm Street came to us in 1984 on a shoe-string budget of 1.8 million (the average budget of films in the mid 80s was reaching ten times this and more) and was the first film role for Johnny Depp. I have a deep fondness for Wes Craven’s earlier, even more B-level B Movies Last House on the Left and The Hills Have Eyes, but neither of these films resonate with me on as much of a visceral level as does Nightmare. To this day, this film (and absolutely none of its sequels) gives me shivers and recently found its home on another top 5 list of mine (scariest movies of all time).
Two movies are fighting it out really hard for this last spot. As much as I love 28 Days Later and want to put it here and as much as I hate gratuitous gore horror films, two words ultimately have the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre beating out those blasphemous fast zombies: John Larroquette.
And those two words are where I’m going to leave you now before I throw in another Blu-Ray and pop me some popcorn.
Originally, a B Movie was a movie created for the purpose of following the primary movie in a double feature. This was way back in the 1930s and B Movies were often little more than an hour long, very low budget, very untried in the talent department flicks designed to give viewers a little more entertainment for their movie going buck (this really makes me wax nostalgic for the double feature). In later decades it graduated away from “second billing film in a double feature” and became more a low budget genre film (typically westerns, sci-fi and horror films were B Movies, as were exploitation flicks). It’s important to note as well that today a B Movie could easily have a budget dozens of times larger than a B Movie from the 70s.
Enough with the history lesson. Halloween is coming and in honor of my own personal favorite holiday, My Top 5 B Movies (of the moment, and in no particular order) are:
The Rocky Horror Picture Show. So filled with fun horror film cliches the only thing horrific about this horror show is the “corruption” of poor innocent Brad and Janet (oh pish-posh, don’t even tell me that in the days of torture porn flicks like Hostel and celebrated cannibals like Hannibal Lector any of the horror elements in this are scary) throughout the night until their inevitable release. This is Tim Curry’s finest performance and Susan Sarandon is perfect. It also holds the distinction of being the longest running film release in history as it has never been pulled from distribution and has been on limited release i various theaters for 35 years now and counting (yeah, take that, Titanic). And it’s a B Movie. Take the time, watch it again, do the Time Warp. Maybe even dress up a little.
The Night of the Living Dead (1968). This film created the zombie sub-genre of horror movies. Zombie movies existed before this film, but they were all of the variety where the zombie was a human afflicted by Voodoo and not flesh eating undead (truly, the modern zombie should be called a ghoul, but that’s another article). In creating this film, George Romero was himself trying to create an homage to the novel I Am Legend, replacing the novel’s vampires with zombies. Having a black actor play the lead role in a film with an otherwise all-white cast was absolutely unheard of in 1968 (really, it’s still pretty darn unheard of, and that is damn sad, people). I can still hear Johnny’s sing-song creepy voice intoning the classic “they’re coming to get you, Barbara”.
The Evil Dead. This movie launched the careers of brothers Sam and Ted Raimi, Rob Tapert and Bruce Campbell, and it’s rare for so many people associated with one B Movie to later find ongoing commercial success for decades to follow (sure Campbell is still likely considered a B Actor, but he’s very much one of the nation’s most beloved of the bunch) which is really pretty darn good for a movie with much of its funding coming from the creators’ parents and dentist. I’ve seen this movie a hundred times and it still doesn’t make any sense. And it’s still one of the most entertaining films I can ever sit down and see again and again.
“One, two, Freddy’s coming for you. . .” A Nightmare on Elm Street came to us in 1984 on a shoe-string budget of 1.8 million (the average budget of films in the mid 80s was reaching ten times this and more) and was the first film role for Johnny Depp. I have a deep fondness for Wes Craven’s earlier, even more B-level B Movies Last House on the Left and The Hills Have Eyes, but neither of these films resonate with me on as much of a visceral level as does Nightmare. To this day, this film (and absolutely none of its sequels) gives me shivers and recently found its home on another top 5 list of mine (scariest movies of all time).
Two movies are fighting it out really hard for this last spot. As much as I love 28 Days Later and want to put it here and as much as I hate gratuitous gore horror films, two words ultimately have the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre beating out those blasphemous fast zombies: John Larroquette.
And those two words are where I’m going to leave you now before I throw in another Blu-Ray and pop me some popcorn.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Breaking Bad
As I mentioned a few posts back I'm going through a massive infusion of old tv shows; right now I'm rotating seasons on Skins and Breaking Bad. The former is a Brit TV teen drama I've watched before and love, the latter comes recommended by my friend Micah.
I'm going to say that, so far, I'm liking Breaking Bad but I can't quite put my finger on why. See, the lead character Walt White (ah alliterative names aren't just for comic books anymore), played by Brian Cranston is not at all sympathetic to me. Which is really odd since you would think a character ravaged by lung cancer and only concerned about seeing to his family would push all the right buttons for me (and if you have to ask why, well then you don't know me and have never read this blog; read the last five years' entries and then come back).
Walt isn't an overly prideful person in the pilot and yet it seems clear that his pride seems to be his only real driving motivation. I can totally get behind him becoming a drug manufacturer in order to provide funds for his family when it seemed like his only option for leaving them flush after his passing. He makes a big deal of his own moral dilemmas in the story and is clearly a man we're supposed to believe is weighed heavily upon by every immoral decision he has to make. I'm so very fine with this.
But then enter the Bill Gates level rich college buddy who not only wants to give him a high paying job, but knowing of his cancer also arranges for 100% health care coverage to be able to afford all of those experimental and unlikely to be successful treatments he so desperately needs. The man of morality should at this moment take the job, the insurance, stop making meth and go from there. Not Walt. Walt instead turns it down, goes on producing meth and lies to his family telling them he did take the offer.
But pride is a tricky bitch you say. It is all powerful and forces his decision. But if any of the rest of his personality and motivations are true, then I call bullshit on pride. If putting aside pride lets him stop the dangerous business of meth manufacture and allows him the treatment, and time with his family, that he needs then pride is nothing. The only real answer is that his family can't be anywhere near as important to him as he, and the creators, wants us to believe.
Pride is a sin I'm very proud to lay claim upon and while I was very fortunate to have 100% health coverage for my own lung cancer, if my best college buddy had ridden in on a white horse and an open checkbook you better fucking believe I would have set everything else I was doing aside in order to suck his coffers dry and make sure my children would always, always be taken care of fuck-all to my pride.
Sons of Anarchy has a drive toward nobility in some of the characters that redeems them for us as the viewer and frees us to invest ourselves in hoping for them that everything will somehow work out. Breaking Bad lacks this because everything the one character we're supposed to follow as the drive of the show is so absolutely flawed and self-interested that he's lost his redeeming qualities. I don't root for him. His family would be better off if he dies before he gets too involved with the dangerous criminal element, regardless of how much money they are left with. The writing is good, but the characters aren't (which is why I never liked Sopranos) and I don't know if good writing will be enough to get me through the second and third season. We'll see.
I'm going to say that, so far, I'm liking Breaking Bad but I can't quite put my finger on why. See, the lead character Walt White (ah alliterative names aren't just for comic books anymore), played by Brian Cranston is not at all sympathetic to me. Which is really odd since you would think a character ravaged by lung cancer and only concerned about seeing to his family would push all the right buttons for me (and if you have to ask why, well then you don't know me and have never read this blog; read the last five years' entries and then come back).
Walt isn't an overly prideful person in the pilot and yet it seems clear that his pride seems to be his only real driving motivation. I can totally get behind him becoming a drug manufacturer in order to provide funds for his family when it seemed like his only option for leaving them flush after his passing. He makes a big deal of his own moral dilemmas in the story and is clearly a man we're supposed to believe is weighed heavily upon by every immoral decision he has to make. I'm so very fine with this.
But then enter the Bill Gates level rich college buddy who not only wants to give him a high paying job, but knowing of his cancer also arranges for 100% health care coverage to be able to afford all of those experimental and unlikely to be successful treatments he so desperately needs. The man of morality should at this moment take the job, the insurance, stop making meth and go from there. Not Walt. Walt instead turns it down, goes on producing meth and lies to his family telling them he did take the offer.
But pride is a tricky bitch you say. It is all powerful and forces his decision. But if any of the rest of his personality and motivations are true, then I call bullshit on pride. If putting aside pride lets him stop the dangerous business of meth manufacture and allows him the treatment, and time with his family, that he needs then pride is nothing. The only real answer is that his family can't be anywhere near as important to him as he, and the creators, wants us to believe.
Pride is a sin I'm very proud to lay claim upon and while I was very fortunate to have 100% health coverage for my own lung cancer, if my best college buddy had ridden in on a white horse and an open checkbook you better fucking believe I would have set everything else I was doing aside in order to suck his coffers dry and make sure my children would always, always be taken care of fuck-all to my pride.
Sons of Anarchy has a drive toward nobility in some of the characters that redeems them for us as the viewer and frees us to invest ourselves in hoping for them that everything will somehow work out. Breaking Bad lacks this because everything the one character we're supposed to follow as the drive of the show is so absolutely flawed and self-interested that he's lost his redeeming qualities. I don't root for him. His family would be better off if he dies before he gets too involved with the dangerous criminal element, regardless of how much money they are left with. The writing is good, but the characters aren't (which is why I never liked Sopranos) and I don't know if good writing will be enough to get me through the second and third season. We'll see.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Shite
On the way to pick Rael up from school today I got pulled over by a California Highway Patrol officer. He said I was pulled over because I wasn't wearing a seat belt (how he would even know that is beyond me. X-Ray vision?). When I showed him that I was, in fact, wearing my seat belt he reached into the car, loosened Tasmia's car seat's belt and cited me for that. That ticket is an $800 ticket. Yes, I know what he did was wholly illegal, but even if I fight it in court it will be his word against mine, which typically doesn't go well for the non-officer in those situations. I can't even pay my water bill on time anymore, how the fuck am I going to do this?
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Rael Today (Multi-Posted)
Rael's teacher reports that his behavior issues are at their worst on Mondays and Thursdays, the days when he returns to school after visiting his mother. His behavior issues are also getting so bad that the trajectory he's on is going to see him expelled. For violence. From Kindergarten.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying so hard to hold us all together after she tore us all apart, and just nothing seems to be working.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying so hard to hold us all together after she tore us all apart, and just nothing seems to be working.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Happy Birthday
Thirteen years ago, during a one day visit from two of my oldest friends who were visiting from out of country, and already significantly past his original due date, my oldest child Lash ushered his way into this world. He arrived perfectly healthy, and his mother almost died from internal hemorrhaging such that every subsequent pregnancy was always a great concern to me (and rightly such as each subsequent pregnancy had serious difficulties). Because we had arranged gaming session for our visiting friends, all of our gaming group, the aforementioned friends, our roommate Dale and then my mother and sister were all in attendance to welcome him into the world.
I'd like to say I don't feel as if I've drastically failed Lash as a father these past thirteen years. That's what I'd like to say. It's been such a rough life for him so far and I wish so much for an easier road for him ahead.
I'd like to say I don't feel as if I've drastically failed Lash as a father these past thirteen years. That's what I'd like to say. It's been such a rough life for him so far and I wish so much for an easier road for him ahead.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
If Wishes Were Fishes
I think I've reached the point where I'd be happy with a new job that's basically even just a lateral change so long as my personal drama doesn't precede me into it: "the new guy's that guy with the kids getting the divorce from that evil bitch. Poor guy. . ." as happened with my current one. Something a little more mentally peaceful to get me through 'til I can find something real, or until the situation changes well enough that I can get the courts to let me move with the kids.
Thursday, September 09, 2010
Friday Night Lite
A side effect of my taking time off to watch the kids tomorrow is that I'll have Friday night free to do whatever it is I want, and am able, to do (after she picks them up in the late afternoon). I haven't had a Friday or Saturday night off from work in more than five months and I'm really looking forward to the relatively inexpensive possibilities.
Which means I have no idea what the heck I'm going to do tomorrow night. All my old U-Club buddies are gone, so doing Car Bombs and Power Hour might be a tad "creepy alcoholic" all by myself. Solo night at the movies means "creepy single guy". And staying home with the PS3/XBox 360 is no different than any other Friday or Saturday night, only earlier. More on this in a future post, but I haven't dated in fourteen years so I have no clue how to go about that or picking someone up.
Now that I think about it, having Friday night free is starting to look like a hysterical nightmare.
Which means I have no idea what the heck I'm going to do tomorrow night. All my old U-Club buddies are gone, so doing Car Bombs and Power Hour might be a tad "creepy alcoholic" all by myself. Solo night at the movies means "creepy single guy". And staying home with the PS3/XBox 360 is no different than any other Friday or Saturday night, only earlier. More on this in a future post, but I haven't dated in fourteen years so I have no clue how to go about that or picking someone up.
Now that I think about it, having Friday night free is starting to look like a hysterical nightmare.
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head
The weather is absolutely haywire lately. Yesterday was another sweltering summer day. Today is a gloomy rain-soaked torrent riddled with thunder and lightning. Thankfully, my mood does not reflect the weather of the day.
Denise was kind enough to give me SECOND right of childcare for her on Friday because the Taylors won't watch the kids for her this Friday (as we covered in last post, she's supposed to be asking me before asking them every time, not after asking them) and so I traded shifts with a coworker to get that day off so I could spend more time with the kids. I had to work today for my coworker in exchange. Denise gets Rael and Tassy on Wednesday until Thursday. I needed a sitter for Lash and Aeia from 3-6 and did as required and asked her. She turned it down. . .why? She has the other two, so why reject the others? I seriously wonder if it's a passive-aggressive response from her towards Lash and Aeia being vocally un-supportive of and angry toward her. Ah well, they had a more enjoyable time hanging out at my work for three hours anyway.
My boss and one of my co-managers are Mexican (no, NOT Mexican American) and have a very nasty habit of reverting to Spanish only when they want to talk shit about someone right in front of them (assuming the person doesn't understand them). I have absolutely no respect for these people; I don't speak anywhere near fluent Spanish but I understand well enough to know what they're saying most of the time and who they're saying it about. It's like working for high schooler ass-hats. Not working with them is one of the things I like about my usual night shifts.
Denise was kind enough to give me SECOND right of childcare for her on Friday because the Taylors won't watch the kids for her this Friday (as we covered in last post, she's supposed to be asking me before asking them every time, not after asking them) and so I traded shifts with a coworker to get that day off so I could spend more time with the kids. I had to work today for my coworker in exchange. Denise gets Rael and Tassy on Wednesday until Thursday. I needed a sitter for Lash and Aeia from 3-6 and did as required and asked her. She turned it down. . .why? She has the other two, so why reject the others? I seriously wonder if it's a passive-aggressive response from her towards Lash and Aeia being vocally un-supportive of and angry toward her. Ah well, they had a more enjoyable time hanging out at my work for three hours anyway.
My boss and one of my co-managers are Mexican (no, NOT Mexican American) and have a very nasty habit of reverting to Spanish only when they want to talk shit about someone right in front of them (assuming the person doesn't understand them). I have absolutely no respect for these people; I don't speak anywhere near fluent Spanish but I understand well enough to know what they're saying most of the time and who they're saying it about. It's like working for high schooler ass-hats. Not working with them is one of the things I like about my usual night shifts.
Monday, September 06, 2010
Minor Annoyances. OK, actually a rant.
So we have this court order that lays out Denise's visitation schedule as well as laying out a bunch of rules we both have to abide by. It really seems that Denise thinks the rules shouldn't apply to her, though and it's irking me. Three recent examples:
The court order demands that the children be allowed to continue with all of their preexisting social activities. Denise does not think she has to abide by this and allow Lash to continue gaming, an activity he has been a regular participant of for more than five years. This is really bugging Lash.
The court order demands that every time either of us needs a babysitter for more than two hours we have to ask the other parent before seeking childcare anywhere else. In the past three weeks there have been six instances where she failed to do this (if anyone is counting, that means exactly six of the nine days she had the kids for visitation, she didn't even spend much time with them and should have asked me to watch them and did not). While I wouldn't have been able to watch them on four of those occasions, she's still ignoring this order.
And of course, both of the aforementioned orders were HER demands in the first place, so of course she doesn't think they apply to her.
This weekend the kids report she threatened them with spankings and with sitting on them for misbehavior. We aren't allowed to use corporal punishment or restraint. As these were just threats, I guess they fall more under psychological terrorism (which isn't covered by our orders)instead of actual violations but she's really pushing the envelope.
I'm writing this all here rather than blow up at her over it. It's better that I just keep a log of these things so I can use them in the inevitable return to court.
The court order demands that the children be allowed to continue with all of their preexisting social activities. Denise does not think she has to abide by this and allow Lash to continue gaming, an activity he has been a regular participant of for more than five years. This is really bugging Lash.
The court order demands that every time either of us needs a babysitter for more than two hours we have to ask the other parent before seeking childcare anywhere else. In the past three weeks there have been six instances where she failed to do this (if anyone is counting, that means exactly six of the nine days she had the kids for visitation, she didn't even spend much time with them and should have asked me to watch them and did not). While I wouldn't have been able to watch them on four of those occasions, she's still ignoring this order.
And of course, both of the aforementioned orders were HER demands in the first place, so of course she doesn't think they apply to her.
This weekend the kids report she threatened them with spankings and with sitting on them for misbehavior. We aren't allowed to use corporal punishment or restraint. As these were just threats, I guess they fall more under psychological terrorism (which isn't covered by our orders)instead of actual violations but she's really pushing the envelope.
I'm writing this all here rather than blow up at her over it. It's better that I just keep a log of these things so I can use them in the inevitable return to court.
Friday, September 03, 2010
Paranormal Activity
had a couple creepy/scary moments, especially as I feel I can actually relate to a lot of Katie's anecdotes about the dark presence, paralysis, etc. but once it went down the road from scary haunting to possession, it lost me. It's no Blair Witch and would have been better served by sticking to one genre of horror from start to finish. An invisible monster killing them at the end would have done it so much better--like if it had ended on the scene with Katie being yanked from the bed and out the room with an ending of them screaming off camera and not returning.
Thursday, September 02, 2010
TV Minute
Early this summer, in order to cut costs down, I cut back our cable subscription to the barest minimum required to also keep cable internet. Bye bye real channels. Bye bye DVR. I've been doing a lot of watching full seasons and series of tv shows in my tv viewing free time.
I'm really over the whole anti-hero genre of entertainment, but I still found myself really enjoying the first two seasons of Sons of Anarchy. Maybe it's partly due to the male lead trying to bring his motorcycle club back from the darkness, and fucking up every step of the way. Maybe it's Kate Sagal smashing a younger girl's face in a jealous rage. I don't really know but after feeling just lukewarm about the first couple episodes (too much Drea de Matteo) I couldn't keep away from the story.
British tv bugs me because the seasons are too short (6-8 episodes), which irks me whenever I find a show I really come to be fond of. Case in point, the entire four seasons of the excellent series Coupling equal approximately the same number of episodes in one shitty season of Two and a Half Men. In the case of dramas like Skins and Survivors, they still somehow pack in so much story that it's a lot more bearable, but the rare sitcom gem like Peep Show falls all the shorter. It's all the more painful for me when one of these shows then gets canceled. With only two seasons of Survivors, I feel let down by all the possibilities hinted at in what was essentially no more than half a season of traditional US television, where if it had been over here for two seasons there would have been four times the episodes and a lot fewer questions. And don't even get me started on US remakes of British television shows. . .
The last big show I've immersed in so far this summer has been Justified. Terrified it would just be a modern day revision of Deadwood, I had a little trepidation. I will be honest, there were episodes where I found it too easy to stop paying attention and go do a chore while it ran in the background (mostly during the front end of the season). And I really dislike most of the cast (either the characters' portrayal, or just the actor portraying them), but I do love me some Timothy Olyphant, have since Scream 2, and I'm fond of the western, which this channels a bit. End result is that I found myself liking, but not loving, the series and I'll probably give it another look come season two.
Next up, Breaking Bad. . .
I'm really over the whole anti-hero genre of entertainment, but I still found myself really enjoying the first two seasons of Sons of Anarchy. Maybe it's partly due to the male lead trying to bring his motorcycle club back from the darkness, and fucking up every step of the way. Maybe it's Kate Sagal smashing a younger girl's face in a jealous rage. I don't really know but after feeling just lukewarm about the first couple episodes (too much Drea de Matteo) I couldn't keep away from the story.
British tv bugs me because the seasons are too short (6-8 episodes), which irks me whenever I find a show I really come to be fond of. Case in point, the entire four seasons of the excellent series Coupling equal approximately the same number of episodes in one shitty season of Two and a Half Men. In the case of dramas like Skins and Survivors, they still somehow pack in so much story that it's a lot more bearable, but the rare sitcom gem like Peep Show falls all the shorter. It's all the more painful for me when one of these shows then gets canceled. With only two seasons of Survivors, I feel let down by all the possibilities hinted at in what was essentially no more than half a season of traditional US television, where if it had been over here for two seasons there would have been four times the episodes and a lot fewer questions. And don't even get me started on US remakes of British television shows. . .
The last big show I've immersed in so far this summer has been Justified. Terrified it would just be a modern day revision of Deadwood, I had a little trepidation. I will be honest, there were episodes where I found it too easy to stop paying attention and go do a chore while it ran in the background (mostly during the front end of the season). And I really dislike most of the cast (either the characters' portrayal, or just the actor portraying them), but I do love me some Timothy Olyphant, have since Scream 2, and I'm fond of the western, which this channels a bit. End result is that I found myself liking, but not loving, the series and I'll probably give it another look come season two.
Next up, Breaking Bad. . .
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Grey Matters
I can't put my finger on a why for it, but I've been in a pretty dour mood the last two days. Really, nothing bad has happened to put me there and I'm wondering if maybe I've just woken up on the cliched wrong side of the bed.
Rael's disastrous behavior yesterday could definitely have its part to play, but I don't really feel it has. With his situation I went fairly quickly into "help my kid" mode, speeding up his intake into counseling, conferring with his principal, etc. And aside from that, the kids have actually been pretty stellar the last two days.
Aeia finally got her Visa gift card for placing 3rd in last Spring's Agribee and she hasn't wanted to rush off and go spend it--this is a good thing. I'm happy to see her controlling her impulses more and thinking about what she wants to do; a year ago she would have blown it all on candy.
Lash's settlement is being dealt with well and with no more hiccups. That's all I can say about that, but it should be enough anyway.
Last week was actually pretty damn good. Maybe my psyche just needs a day or two to balance it out. Or maybe I'm naturally a pretty shitty dude. I'm not going to discount either possibility.
I miss my friends. I really have little to no adult human interaction during the week, Of course I love my children and want them with me 24/7, but I do need to find a way to share my life with some peers as well, and not just during the 2-3 days the kids are with their mother.
Rael's disastrous behavior yesterday could definitely have its part to play, but I don't really feel it has. With his situation I went fairly quickly into "help my kid" mode, speeding up his intake into counseling, conferring with his principal, etc. And aside from that, the kids have actually been pretty stellar the last two days.
Aeia finally got her Visa gift card for placing 3rd in last Spring's Agribee and she hasn't wanted to rush off and go spend it--this is a good thing. I'm happy to see her controlling her impulses more and thinking about what she wants to do; a year ago she would have blown it all on candy.
Lash's settlement is being dealt with well and with no more hiccups. That's all I can say about that, but it should be enough anyway.
Last week was actually pretty damn good. Maybe my psyche just needs a day or two to balance it out. Or maybe I'm naturally a pretty shitty dude. I'm not going to discount either possibility.
I miss my friends. I really have little to no adult human interaction during the week, Of course I love my children and want them with me 24/7, but I do need to find a way to share my life with some peers as well, and not just during the 2-3 days the kids are with their mother.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Rael Today
Today I got a call from Rael's principal because he stabbed another child with his pencil. He's apparently been acting out a lot these first three weeks of school. He had behavioral issues in Head Start and we were able to determine some commonalities between "good" days and "bad" (good days were when I dropped him off and reminded him of behavioral rules, bad days were when Denise dropped him off and paid no attention to such reminders). I worry that his current drop-off schedule is too chaotic for him to adjust at school properly.
We started him in professional counseling. He starts Wednesday.
We started him in professional counseling. He starts Wednesday.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Start Rant
Today's plan:
8: drop kids at school
8:15: deliver Tassy, and Denise's ridiculous log book, to Denise
9: go to bank and open up account for currently accessible portion of Lash's settlement
?:??-2: take a nap and catch up on all the sleep I've missed this month.
4: go to work.
Step four is currently off because step three has been derailed by Denise's continued refusal to be cooperative. Knowing she's needed to show up and sign a signature card for Lash's account, she is nowhere to be found and refuses to answer phone calls from me (nothing new there), the bank and even her work. So now I'm home in wait mode to hear from the bank as to whether they ever get a hold of her.
End rant.
8: drop kids at school
8:15: deliver Tassy, and Denise's ridiculous log book, to Denise
9: go to bank and open up account for currently accessible portion of Lash's settlement
?:??-2: take a nap and catch up on all the sleep I've missed this month.
4: go to work.
Step four is currently off because step three has been derailed by Denise's continued refusal to be cooperative. Knowing she's needed to show up and sign a signature card for Lash's account, she is nowhere to be found and refuses to answer phone calls from me (nothing new there), the bank and even her work. So now I'm home in wait mode to hear from the bank as to whether they ever get a hold of her.
End rant.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
The Abduction, part 1
Last night I had the nightmare that Denise abducted the kids again (specifically, she only abducted Rael and Tasmia in this dream, not that it makes the dream at all more pleasant). This is a fear (and in its event, a horror) I wouldn't wish upon anyone. It's also a horror I'd like to get over, but I fear that will be a long, long time coming.
Back in April of this year I confronted Denise with evidence of her using drugs after our split, and of her being under their influence while she was taking care of the kids. Under the advice of dear friends I let Denise know that I wanted her to seek drug counseling or provide a clean drug test. She, of course, grew agitated and an argument ensued (as happened every time we ever discussed something that wasn't favoring her). During the course of this argument I called her a cunt, something I'd never done in thirteen years together.
Two days later while I was at work, and with the aid of her parents and my self-defining "only friends" the Taylors, she kidnapped our children and went into hiding. At the time, we had been working toward divorce as amicably as possible (which still wasn't very amicable) and there wasn't yet a court order for custody or visitation. Because of this the police refused to do anything to help, even when faced with legal precedents and statutes that demanded it. Denise sought, and was denied, a restraining order against me. The abduction happened on a Friday afternoon, so I couldn't utilize the court for assistance until Monday (and was able, based on the evidence of her past neglects and her current abduction to get a hearing the very next day, Tuesday).
Friends stayed with me throughout the weekend, lending what support they could. All the while, the absence of the children was keenly felt. There was none of their laughter, none of their smiling faces, none of their playing games, none of their peaceful sleeping. Toys lay on the floor calling attention to the kids' absence. Nothing in life has ever hurt as much as this horrific act.
At the hearing that Tuesday, the courts returned the children to my primary care, allowing Denise to only see them from Friday afternoon until Monday morning. The children returning home at six that night was, equal to the heartache of their abduction, the happiest moment in my memory. What followed was four long, frustrating months of court battles over custody finally culminating in the same visitation schedule for the oldest two kids and an additional time allotted to her with the youngest two from Weds. afternoon until Thurs. morning (optional for Lash and Aeia).
The abduction has devastated what little relationship was left between Denise and the eldest kids. Lash, in typical teenager fashion just goes with the flow of the court's demands while he'd rather not see her. Aeia is instead very vocal about her feelings towards her mother and wants nothing to do with her (this week she even told her counselor and me that she doesn't like her mother and counseling isn't going to fix it, so she wants to end counseling because everything else in her life makes her happy). Rael's trauma from the abduction is keenest whenever his mother talks to him about her eventually getting a place of her own (she's been staying with the Taylors these past months), which he equates to her stealing him again and keeping him from me.
And me? Every weekend I send the kids off with Denise and feel the same emptiness of their absence while they're gone. Every weekend the fear returns that some insane thing will set this woman I believe to be unstable off and she'll take them again despite court orders. Every weekend I revisit the fear that Friday was the last time I'll ever see them again.
And somehow there are still some people who think I'm the bad guy because I called Denise a cunt.
Back in April of this year I confronted Denise with evidence of her using drugs after our split, and of her being under their influence while she was taking care of the kids. Under the advice of dear friends I let Denise know that I wanted her to seek drug counseling or provide a clean drug test. She, of course, grew agitated and an argument ensued (as happened every time we ever discussed something that wasn't favoring her). During the course of this argument I called her a cunt, something I'd never done in thirteen years together.
Two days later while I was at work, and with the aid of her parents and my self-defining "only friends" the Taylors, she kidnapped our children and went into hiding. At the time, we had been working toward divorce as amicably as possible (which still wasn't very amicable) and there wasn't yet a court order for custody or visitation. Because of this the police refused to do anything to help, even when faced with legal precedents and statutes that demanded it. Denise sought, and was denied, a restraining order against me. The abduction happened on a Friday afternoon, so I couldn't utilize the court for assistance until Monday (and was able, based on the evidence of her past neglects and her current abduction to get a hearing the very next day, Tuesday).
Friends stayed with me throughout the weekend, lending what support they could. All the while, the absence of the children was keenly felt. There was none of their laughter, none of their smiling faces, none of their playing games, none of their peaceful sleeping. Toys lay on the floor calling attention to the kids' absence. Nothing in life has ever hurt as much as this horrific act.
At the hearing that Tuesday, the courts returned the children to my primary care, allowing Denise to only see them from Friday afternoon until Monday morning. The children returning home at six that night was, equal to the heartache of their abduction, the happiest moment in my memory. What followed was four long, frustrating months of court battles over custody finally culminating in the same visitation schedule for the oldest two kids and an additional time allotted to her with the youngest two from Weds. afternoon until Thurs. morning (optional for Lash and Aeia).
The abduction has devastated what little relationship was left between Denise and the eldest kids. Lash, in typical teenager fashion just goes with the flow of the court's demands while he'd rather not see her. Aeia is instead very vocal about her feelings towards her mother and wants nothing to do with her (this week she even told her counselor and me that she doesn't like her mother and counseling isn't going to fix it, so she wants to end counseling because everything else in her life makes her happy). Rael's trauma from the abduction is keenest whenever his mother talks to him about her eventually getting a place of her own (she's been staying with the Taylors these past months), which he equates to her stealing him again and keeping him from me.
And me? Every weekend I send the kids off with Denise and feel the same emptiness of their absence while they're gone. Every weekend the fear returns that some insane thing will set this woman I believe to be unstable off and she'll take them again despite court orders. Every weekend I revisit the fear that Friday was the last time I'll ever see them again.
And somehow there are still some people who think I'm the bad guy because I called Denise a cunt.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Pilgrimage
Eventually I'll get around to writing about all the big events of the last eight months that played so keenly into why I've been so scarce in blog-land, but since all eight of my readers already know all of this anyway, and it would just be for my own need to brain-spew (or to share with the ransom viewer) it will wait a little bit longer until I start being more loquacious about it all. Bear with me, all the important news about my split with Denise, Lash's trial, etc. will find their way here eventually. Today though: mundanity.
Today was the first Wednesday of our court ordered timeshare giving Denise visitation with Rael and Tasmia from Wednesday until Thursday morning. It's been the first time in months where I've even had an opportunity to spend quality time with Lash and Aeia without my youngest darlings and so we three decided to take in a movie. Joined by friends Alex and Josh we took in Scott Pilgrim vs the World (second viewing for me and Josh) and it was just as fantastic the second time through.
I think it's a real shame it isn't doing better in theaters. It needs to do better. Is it not being marketed properly to video gaming boys and manga loving girls? Too bad. Quick people, see it now before it disappears. You will love it.
Today was the first Wednesday of our court ordered timeshare giving Denise visitation with Rael and Tasmia from Wednesday until Thursday morning. It's been the first time in months where I've even had an opportunity to spend quality time with Lash and Aeia without my youngest darlings and so we three decided to take in a movie. Joined by friends Alex and Josh we took in Scott Pilgrim vs the World (second viewing for me and Josh) and it was just as fantastic the second time through.
I think it's a real shame it isn't doing better in theaters. It needs to do better. Is it not being marketed properly to video gaming boys and manga loving girls? Too bad. Quick people, see it now before it disappears. You will love it.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Well
It's been a while. I'm just checking in to say I'm not dead, and this isn't either. There's just been a necessary hiatus. That's ending now.
More to follow. Soon.
More to follow. Soon.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Across the Universe
(Quick note to the casual reader, while it may seem otherwise, this blog is not defunct, it's just on sabbatical, posting at the most intermittently until I can post more freely again. My closest readers understand the why for this and I ask you to trust there will be prolific posting here again)
"Sometimes love isn't enough." I've been thinking about the nature of love a lot lately and I have to say that I've come to the conclusion that this quoted statement is utter bullshit. I think the Beatles had it spot-on with All You Need is Love: there's nothing you can do that can't be done.
I think that if love is true, then nothing is insurmountable. If you love someone, you do the work (that is, love doesn't do the work for you, but it inspires you to do what needs done for love to flourish). Love isn't sitting on the couch with your nose in a book or computer, ignoring the world, and the person you claim to love, around you. It isn't saying that you love the hurt friend in need while turning away from them. This is false love. It's fleeting and not real. Love makes you work; love helps you to heal.
If love is real, other desires fall by the wayside. Maybe one of you wants to travel the world or maybe one of you wants kids when the other doesn't. If there is love, you make it work anyway, together. Together is important because love is never a solitary emotion.
Everyone, if you're finding yourself seeking an out and blaming it on how love isn't enough, stop and consider whether you ever really loved at all. Love doesn't succeed or fail, we do.
"Sometimes love isn't enough." I've been thinking about the nature of love a lot lately and I have to say that I've come to the conclusion that this quoted statement is utter bullshit. I think the Beatles had it spot-on with All You Need is Love: there's nothing you can do that can't be done.
I think that if love is true, then nothing is insurmountable. If you love someone, you do the work (that is, love doesn't do the work for you, but it inspires you to do what needs done for love to flourish). Love isn't sitting on the couch with your nose in a book or computer, ignoring the world, and the person you claim to love, around you. It isn't saying that you love the hurt friend in need while turning away from them. This is false love. It's fleeting and not real. Love makes you work; love helps you to heal.
If love is real, other desires fall by the wayside. Maybe one of you wants to travel the world or maybe one of you wants kids when the other doesn't. If there is love, you make it work anyway, together. Together is important because love is never a solitary emotion.
Everyone, if you're finding yourself seeking an out and blaming it on how love isn't enough, stop and consider whether you ever really loved at all. Love doesn't succeed or fail, we do.
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