I think I'm losing my patience for diminished manners in my old age. It used to be that I'd just shrug off someone else's being boorish or rude, but lately I just want to bring the full wrath of Miss Manners down on these people.
Today during my echo cardiogram the tech running my test broke wind, quite quietly but also quite stankily and nary a word of apology or even acknowledgment from her as our closet sized testing room filled with the microscopic particles of rank that escaped her ass. All the while I'm trapped on the table thankful for every time she demanded I hold my breath.
At work I've found my tolerance for assholes greatly diminished--to thepoint I will, and have, refuse to serve someone if they're being particularly annoying douche bags. I feel no guilt whatsoever in this. If you're a drunk (and driving!) in my drive-thru and decide to be particularly crass or douche baggy, you're nixed. If you think it's an acceptable behavior to sexually harass my female staff (or male, but that I never see), you're nixed. I actually don't get people who treat their food preparers so poorly. You may think yourself "better" than your wee fast food employee, but remember, these are the people who just might decide to retaliate with snot burgers. Not that I've ever done that, but I'm just saying. If you haven't seen Waiting, you really should.
I guess it bugs me more when it comes from friends though. Two friends in particular are notorious for not responding to emails, no matter the seriousness of the subject and I find myself fighting a growing urge to just distance myself and break ties. If I'm not worth the time of day for a response or even just an acknowledgment then why should I keep feeling as if they're worth my time of day? The bonds of friendship being strong and all, it makes me feel as if they only go one way.
And by the way, I don't think my echo and treadmill tests went well for me today. At all.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Manic Monday
So Wednesday I went to the cardiologist. Anyone who's read the fullness of this blog, or knows me in real life, knows that I'm a guy who has lost his faith in much of the medical profession. I mean how many doctors did I see, suffering from major breathing problems, over seven years and never get a chest x-ray. . .too many. So I see a cardiologist on Wednesday for the arrhythmia my regular and only trusted doc discovered. So what happens? The cardiologist listens and listens and listens and declares that he doesn't hear anything. He does pay attention to the EKG I had the week before though and decides that more testing should be done rather than just declaring me fine. This is going to be a busy week for me with the usual full work and kid chauffeuring week; I've an appointment with Lash tomorrow afternoon, the cardiologist is having me in for both an echo cardiogram and a treadmill stress test tomorrow morning and then a follow-up visit with him the next day for the results (either that or wait 4 weeks for him to come back from vacation--no thanks). I'm already weary.
As narcissistic as Twitter is, it taught me Blink 182 is back together this week and that makes me happy. I missed their bubblegum punk.
Anyone else give Better off Ted a try yet? I've really enjoyed the first couple episodes. Not just because it has Portia Di Rossi, but it feels reminiscent of Arrested Development to me comedically, like they might be not-quite-kissing cousins. I can already see the fan rally to save the show from cancellation being a torrent of creamer packets shipped to the studio.
Seriously folks, Dollhouse is dangerously close to being my second favorite Joss Whedon helmed show of all time (sorry Firefly, but at least I get to see River terminate pigeons on Sarah Conner the preceding hour). It is that good. And all the feminist rantings about it--clearly folks with no real long-term viewing of this or any other Joss show. Catch up with it on Hulu if you haven't been watching it, and then start watching it. I think this show would make George Orwell proud.
Pearl Jam re-released Ten this week. Why is a band that was once so anti-studio, record company, commercialism, etc. putting out 5 versions of re-release for the consumers (4 different packaging options on Amazon and other retailers plus the full album available for the Rock Band game. This is the version I want to think about getting.)? Seems a bit much. And they'll be doing it again and again over the next two years with the rest of their catalog.
As narcissistic as Twitter is, it taught me Blink 182 is back together this week and that makes me happy. I missed their bubblegum punk.
Anyone else give Better off Ted a try yet? I've really enjoyed the first couple episodes. Not just because it has Portia Di Rossi, but it feels reminiscent of Arrested Development to me comedically, like they might be not-quite-kissing cousins. I can already see the fan rally to save the show from cancellation being a torrent of creamer packets shipped to the studio.
Seriously folks, Dollhouse is dangerously close to being my second favorite Joss Whedon helmed show of all time (sorry Firefly, but at least I get to see River terminate pigeons on Sarah Conner the preceding hour). It is that good. And all the feminist rantings about it--clearly folks with no real long-term viewing of this or any other Joss show. Catch up with it on Hulu if you haven't been watching it, and then start watching it. I think this show would make George Orwell proud.
Pearl Jam re-released Ten this week. Why is a band that was once so anti-studio, record company, commercialism, etc. putting out 5 versions of re-release for the consumers (4 different packaging options on Amazon and other retailers plus the full album available for the Rock Band game. This is the version I want to think about getting.)? Seems a bit much. And they'll be doing it again and again over the next two years with the rest of their catalog.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Scattered
As I've been lax writing here again lately, I'll likely be a bit slip-shod in this posting as I smooth back into things. I really do need to be less neglectful of this, regardless of how mundane the content.
I've been doing a lot of mental prep for a pitch I'm going to be putting together. I need to get my thoughts down on keyboard so they'll congeal better and turn into something as absolutely groovy as I believe they will be. Then I need to start harassing one of my more artistic friends into taking the pitch plunge with me; as much as I'd love to write and draw myself, my drawing output is too slow. More details as I get more ready to stick myself out there in the comics field again.
As mentioned, I've seen Watchmen and over-all I found it, with the exception of Rorschach, to be soulless, cumbersome and not the best acted. Obviously staying true to the source material 100% is an impossibility, but I find a lot of what they chose to excise was responsible in the written material for making the story more human and relate able.
At my annual physical yesterday, Dr. John discovered a bigeminy arrhythmia in my heart. Apparently if it's just that on its own, then I'm mostly just fine; if it turns out it's a symptom of something else, then it's dire enough that I could drop dead any minute now. Either way, the soonest a cardiologist would see me to find out, will be this upcoming Wednesday. Until then I have instructions not to strain or over-stress myself. Yay! How dare I beat cancer.
More later; I'm feeling a bit scattered.
I've been doing a lot of mental prep for a pitch I'm going to be putting together. I need to get my thoughts down on keyboard so they'll congeal better and turn into something as absolutely groovy as I believe they will be. Then I need to start harassing one of my more artistic friends into taking the pitch plunge with me; as much as I'd love to write and draw myself, my drawing output is too slow. More details as I get more ready to stick myself out there in the comics field again.
As mentioned, I've seen Watchmen and over-all I found it, with the exception of Rorschach, to be soulless, cumbersome and not the best acted. Obviously staying true to the source material 100% is an impossibility, but I find a lot of what they chose to excise was responsible in the written material for making the story more human and relate able.
At my annual physical yesterday, Dr. John discovered a bigeminy arrhythmia in my heart. Apparently if it's just that on its own, then I'm mostly just fine; if it turns out it's a symptom of something else, then it's dire enough that I could drop dead any minute now. Either way, the soonest a cardiologist would see me to find out, will be this upcoming Wednesday. Until then I have instructions not to strain or over-stress myself. Yay! How dare I beat cancer.
More later; I'm feeling a bit scattered.
Friday, March 06, 2009
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday, to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday, Chris,
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday, Chris,
Happy Birthday to you.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
One
I'm watching the 4th disk of Nip/Tuck season 5 yesterday and left the episode where Gina dies wondering if it's simply Jessalyn Gilsig's lot in life to play television characters who are somewhat broken and end up dead. Seeing as this is what happens to three of the four television roles I know her from (the other dearly departed characters of hers are in Heroes and Prisonbreak; I don't think she got offed in Boston Public, but anything's possible).
I do not think I will be seeing Watchmen this weekend. C'est la vies.
Yesterday Denise lost her wallet. This is a little bit of a headache, and very frustrating to have so many pieces of personal identification of hers out there potentially in the hands of less than honest people, but the cancellation of cards and requesting of new ones apparently went very smoothly for her. Whew.
An unprofessional and disrespectful tirade from my boss in response to a simple question about my schedule at work has left me struggling to hold my tongue and stay on the job. Every minute I'm there right now is entirely unpleasant.
Today it's also become clear to me that I and someone very close to me have extremely fundamentally different ideas about a lot of aspects of life I hold to be important--personal responsibility, friendship, forgiveness, love, remorse, respect. . .coming to this realization leaves me at the lowest I've been in a very long time.
I'm thankful I have Denise, understanding and supportive, and loving, in my life as I find myself negotiating new emotional terrain. Aside from her, I've never felt so alone.
I do not think I will be seeing Watchmen this weekend. C'est la vies.
Yesterday Denise lost her wallet. This is a little bit of a headache, and very frustrating to have so many pieces of personal identification of hers out there potentially in the hands of less than honest people, but the cancellation of cards and requesting of new ones apparently went very smoothly for her. Whew.
An unprofessional and disrespectful tirade from my boss in response to a simple question about my schedule at work has left me struggling to hold my tongue and stay on the job. Every minute I'm there right now is entirely unpleasant.
Today it's also become clear to me that I and someone very close to me have extremely fundamentally different ideas about a lot of aspects of life I hold to be important--personal responsibility, friendship, forgiveness, love, remorse, respect. . .coming to this realization leaves me at the lowest I've been in a very long time.
I'm thankful I have Denise, understanding and supportive, and loving, in my life as I find myself negotiating new emotional terrain. Aside from her, I've never felt so alone.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Simple Things
Things making me smile today:
Rael demanding to wear his underpants backwards so his cartoon characters are in front.
Finding two bucks in my pants and spending them on a BK Mocha Joe this morning after zero hours of sleep.
Having a story idea I'm ready to explore working up into a pitch again after a bit of blockage.
Four days 'til my next day off.
Sigh.
Rael demanding to wear his underpants backwards so his cartoon characters are in front.
Finding two bucks in my pants and spending them on a BK Mocha Joe this morning after zero hours of sleep.
Having a story idea I'm ready to explore working up into a pitch again after a bit of blockage.
Four days 'til my next day off.
Sigh.
Monday, March 02, 2009
The Post Man
I'm feeling pretty bored/boring lately, sorry. I know it's been a while. My inner narcissist wants to whine that almost no one has mentioned any lack of writing. . .but my inner narcissist is a douche bag.
My last post was written while I was on my vacation. Pretty much every day and night of vacation went very well for me, very pleasant, mostly enjoyable, spending a lot of time with the kids, Denise and Chris, playing Rock Band, taking naps, visiting Chrissy, having sleepovers, etc. Good times.
I both saw and read Wanted for the first time in the past two weeks. Dare I say I prefer the movie? The comic just read as more of the same anti-hero, celebrate the villain deconstructionist bullshit we've already had too much of in comics since Watchmen and Dark Knight came out in the 1980s. The movie, while a far cry from being awesome, had more redeemable qualities and characters.
Speaking of Watchmen, I'm supposed to get out and see it this Friday with Chris for his birthday. Right now I still don't know if my work schedule is going to permit this. We're hoping. Right now there are other considerations weighing on me as well. We'll see. I wonder how many people are going to ignore the fact this movie is R rated and take their kids to see it because it's a "superhero" movie and then wail about the damage Billy Crudup's giant blue penis did to their kids' psyches in public. My warning to you: parents don't take your kids to see Watchmen.
Work frustrates me so much I'm constantly on the verge of walking off the job. The only thing that stops me is my responsibilities to my family and the continuing lack of other prospects in the area.
I've lost a few pounds, but I don't know where--as I don't look a single bit leaner.
What else. . .
My last post was written while I was on my vacation. Pretty much every day and night of vacation went very well for me, very pleasant, mostly enjoyable, spending a lot of time with the kids, Denise and Chris, playing Rock Band, taking naps, visiting Chrissy, having sleepovers, etc. Good times.
I both saw and read Wanted for the first time in the past two weeks. Dare I say I prefer the movie? The comic just read as more of the same anti-hero, celebrate the villain deconstructionist bullshit we've already had too much of in comics since Watchmen and Dark Knight came out in the 1980s. The movie, while a far cry from being awesome, had more redeemable qualities and characters.
Speaking of Watchmen, I'm supposed to get out and see it this Friday with Chris for his birthday. Right now I still don't know if my work schedule is going to permit this. We're hoping. Right now there are other considerations weighing on me as well. We'll see. I wonder how many people are going to ignore the fact this movie is R rated and take their kids to see it because it's a "superhero" movie and then wail about the damage Billy Crudup's giant blue penis did to their kids' psyches in public. My warning to you: parents don't take your kids to see Watchmen.
Work frustrates me so much I'm constantly on the verge of walking off the job. The only thing that stops me is my responsibilities to my family and the continuing lack of other prospects in the area.
I've lost a few pounds, but I don't know where--as I don't look a single bit leaner.
What else. . .
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Taken
Mixed reviews for Taken? I don't want to scan any of them, let them accidentally bias my own opinion. Given my love for Leon the Professional, when I grokked their connection, I had to see this one. And so Denise and I saw it today.
I'll just start by saying that Denise, who generally prefers action flicks more than I claim to, didn't think it was her cup of tea: primarily, there weren't enough explosions for her, and the torture turned her off. Me, I found the torture integral to the storyline and felt it fit right in.
For me, there's a visceral response to thrillers that I often will use to gauge my enjoyment of said thriller: time spent either gritting my teeth and/or holding my breath. There is a direct correlation between the frequency a thriller's intensity causes these reactions in me and my pure enjoyment of the film. I did a lot of breath holding.
It's been a while since Liam Neeson's proven himself a bad ass (Qui Gon is bad ass lite), but I think he's finally topped even Darkman for bad-assery.
Tangentially: ADJ, I finally watched Pineapple Express yesterday and it was every bit as good as you said it would be (the best of Apatow's flicks since Virgin, in my not-so-humble opinion), now go watch Smiley Face.
I'll just start by saying that Denise, who generally prefers action flicks more than I claim to, didn't think it was her cup of tea: primarily, there weren't enough explosions for her, and the torture turned her off. Me, I found the torture integral to the storyline and felt it fit right in.
For me, there's a visceral response to thrillers that I often will use to gauge my enjoyment of said thriller: time spent either gritting my teeth and/or holding my breath. There is a direct correlation between the frequency a thriller's intensity causes these reactions in me and my pure enjoyment of the film. I did a lot of breath holding.
It's been a while since Liam Neeson's proven himself a bad ass (Qui Gon is bad ass lite), but I think he's finally topped even Darkman for bad-assery.
Tangentially: ADJ, I finally watched Pineapple Express yesterday and it was every bit as good as you said it would be (the best of Apatow's flicks since Virgin, in my not-so-humble opinion), now go watch Smiley Face.
Monday, February 09, 2009
You've Got Mail
My next door neighbour just delivered mail of mine that was delivered to her on accident. Except the mail is 3-4 weeks old (as what she brought me was a cable bill that's now 3 weeks past due) and it's been opened. This particular neighbour has never given any sort of problem before, but I think this is going to have to end up being a call the cops sort of infarction.
The kids are on vacation for a week again, starting today, and have way too much pent-up energy. Personally, I wish this vacation were a week earlier or later. I'm taking four of my five vacation days this week and was looking forward to some peace and quiet interspersed between being available to help some friends out if they need us.
Microsoft decided it would be cheaper for them to send me a new Xbox 360 rather than repair my broken one, and included a one month extension of my Live Gold account. I'm ok with this. The only downside, I had to re-download the 14 or so gigabytes of downloadable content I had in order to assign the license for them to the new console. Everything else is upside.
The past week saw Chris & Chrissy's 15th wedding anniversary and Aeia's 9th birthday. Happy Anniversary to the Taylors and Happy Birthday to my daughter!
The kids are on vacation for a week again, starting today, and have way too much pent-up energy. Personally, I wish this vacation were a week earlier or later. I'm taking four of my five vacation days this week and was looking forward to some peace and quiet interspersed between being available to help some friends out if they need us.
Microsoft decided it would be cheaper for them to send me a new Xbox 360 rather than repair my broken one, and included a one month extension of my Live Gold account. I'm ok with this. The only downside, I had to re-download the 14 or so gigabytes of downloadable content I had in order to assign the license for them to the new console. Everything else is upside.
The past week saw Chris & Chrissy's 15th wedding anniversary and Aeia's 9th birthday. Happy Anniversary to the Taylors and Happy Birthday to my daughter!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Cancer Checked
Today was my annual oncologist appointment (I only delayed it two months this time instead of something like eight), which really doesn't do much in itself. My oncologist listened to my breathing and states that it sounds like everything continues to be fine. My annual chest ct with radioactive contrast was also scheduled (this coming Friday), the results of which will more clearly determine whether all remains well or no. I need to make a regular dr. appointment too and determine if my high blood pressure was more a result of annual stress at this particular visit, and other things, or if I need to have my BP better monitored/regulated.
I need to direct some energy towards other endeavors now. Later!
I need to direct some energy towards other endeavors now. Later!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I Watch Too Much Television Meme
1. Bold the shows you watch/used to watch regularly.
2. Italicize the shows you've seen at least one episode of.
3. Asterisk the shows you own on DVD (at least one season).
4. Post your answers.
50. Quantum Leap
49. Prison Break
48. *Veronica Mars*
47. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
46. Sex & The City
45. Farscape
44. Cracker
43. Star Trek (TOS)
42. Only Fools and Horses
41. Band of Brothers
40. Life on Mars
39. Monty Python
38. Curb Your Enthusiasm
37. Star Trek: The Next Generation
36. Father Ted
35. Alias
34. Frasier
33. *CSI Las Vegas*
32. Babylon 5
31. Deadwood
30. Dexter
29. ER
28. Fawlty Towers
27. Six Feet Under
26. Red Dwarf
25. Futurama
24. Twin Peaks
23. The Office
22. The Shield
21. *Angel*
20. Blackadder
19. *Scrubs*
18. *Arrested Development*
17. *South Park*
16. Dr Who
15. Heroes
14. *Firefly*
13. Battlestar Galactica
12. *Family Guy*
11. Seinfeld
10. Spaced
09. *The X-Files*
08. The Wire
07. Friends
06. 24
05. Lost
04. The West Wing
03. The Sopranos
02. *Buffy the Vampire Slayer*
01. *The Simpsons*
2. Italicize the shows you've seen at least one episode of.
3. Asterisk the shows you own on DVD (at least one season).
4. Post your answers.
50. Quantum Leap
49. Prison Break
48. *Veronica Mars*
47. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
46. Sex & The City
45. Farscape
44. Cracker
43. Star Trek (TOS)
42. Only Fools and Horses
41. Band of Brothers
40. Life on Mars
39. Monty Python
38. Curb Your Enthusiasm
37. Star Trek: The Next Generation
36. Father Ted
35. Alias
34. Frasier
33. *CSI Las Vegas*
32. Babylon 5
31. Deadwood
30. Dexter
29. ER
28. Fawlty Towers
27. Six Feet Under
26. Red Dwarf
25. Futurama
24. Twin Peaks
23. The Office
22. The Shield
21. *Angel*
20. Blackadder
19. *Scrubs*
18. *Arrested Development*
17. *South Park*
16. Dr Who
15. Heroes
14. *Firefly*
13. Battlestar Galactica
12. *Family Guy*
11. Seinfeld
10. Spaced
09. *The X-Files*
08. The Wire
07. Friends
06. 24
05. Lost
04. The West Wing
03. The Sopranos
02. *Buffy the Vampire Slayer*
01. *The Simpsons*
Live to Tell
I've been getting a little berating from Brian and Denise for not writing here in almost a wweek. Sorry, I haven't wanted to share this last week, but I could have probably found something somewhat banal to say at least.
I have a lot on my mind right now, and much of it relates to things that I actually refrain from sharing here, which makes sharing the rest here harder. I'm still dedicated to a much greater writing output; I just need a few days to compose myself this week.
Tomorrow is my annual oncology appointment. I'm a little extra stressed about that.
I have a lot on my mind right now, and much of it relates to things that I actually refrain from sharing here, which makes sharing the rest here harder. I'm still dedicated to a much greater writing output; I just need a few days to compose myself this week.
Tomorrow is my annual oncology appointment. I'm a little extra stressed about that.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
So What
I had something to say last night, and lying in bed I decided I'd get to it today. And of course I can not remember what the heck I wanted to say last night. Lame.
Last week my Xbox 360 died, threw on up the dreaded "red rings of death" and so it's now in transit to the good folks at Microsoft's repair center in Texas. I know it's just a video game, which is so nothing in the grand scheme of things, but it's an integral part of my weekly unwind from work and spend time with friends every Saturday night, so its absence is abhorrent in that regard. For me, there aren't other options for Saturday nights at my place: gaming is Sunday (and 2 days a week is draining); if I never ever play Phase 10 again I will die happy. So, for a couple weeks, while I wait on an idea for how long the repair will take, I've rented a console, which is still slightly inconvenient, but better than the alternative for me.
This morning Denise woke me up to tell me my car wouldn't start and to give her a ride to work. Irksome. I need to figure that one out. It ran perfectly fine yesterday.
Yearly oncology appointment is next monday. . .
I'm so over all of the Obama mania. Can we get over it already and get this country working well again? The guy needs to start kicking ass right out of the gate, so get to it already. History's been made. Whoop-de-do. Next?
Last week my Xbox 360 died, threw on up the dreaded "red rings of death" and so it's now in transit to the good folks at Microsoft's repair center in Texas. I know it's just a video game, which is so nothing in the grand scheme of things, but it's an integral part of my weekly unwind from work and spend time with friends every Saturday night, so its absence is abhorrent in that regard. For me, there aren't other options for Saturday nights at my place: gaming is Sunday (and 2 days a week is draining); if I never ever play Phase 10 again I will die happy. So, for a couple weeks, while I wait on an idea for how long the repair will take, I've rented a console, which is still slightly inconvenient, but better than the alternative for me.
This morning Denise woke me up to tell me my car wouldn't start and to give her a ride to work. Irksome. I need to figure that one out. It ran perfectly fine yesterday.
Yearly oncology appointment is next monday. . .
I'm so over all of the Obama mania. Can we get over it already and get this country working well again? The guy needs to start kicking ass right out of the gate, so get to it already. History's been made. Whoop-de-do. Next?
Friday, January 16, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
You Got It
My earlier post "Unresolved" just got two spam comments, which I've deleted, from a user named, cleverly, "123," whom I've reported to Blogger as a spammer. I'm really hoping this isn't the start of another spamming spree. Maybe it's time to turn the word verification on again. . .I really don't want to go to having comments moderated & approved before posting, as I prefer true discourse, even when it disagrees with me. We'll see, I guess.
Season 8 of American Idol is off to it's usual start: truly decent slash good vocalists presented within an abyss of really exceptionally bad vocalists. It amazes me that after so many years we still see so many horrific singers show for these try-outs. See, I know I'm not a great singer, and have Rock Band as my outlet, where, at worst, I annoy my neighbours and not all of America. And I get the ones who obviously know they don't have it, but show up anyway for their 30 seconds of fame (really, who has time for fifteen minutes anymore?), but the rest, the awful ones who come off so devastated. . .are people really that non-self-aware? I cry.
Scrubs spoiled: J.D. and Eliot are together again. Surprise, surprise. Otherwise, it's been ok. Not the pure fantastic joy it once was, but better than the last two seasons. . .so far. I hold out hope. One of the new doctors is an extremely blunt and slightly cold no-nonsense type named Denise. I chuckle.
Season 8 of American Idol is off to it's usual start: truly decent slash good vocalists presented within an abyss of really exceptionally bad vocalists. It amazes me that after so many years we still see so many horrific singers show for these try-outs. See, I know I'm not a great singer, and have Rock Band as my outlet, where, at worst, I annoy my neighbours and not all of America. And I get the ones who obviously know they don't have it, but show up anyway for their 30 seconds of fame (really, who has time for fifteen minutes anymore?), but the rest, the awful ones who come off so devastated. . .are people really that non-self-aware? I cry.
Scrubs spoiled: J.D. and Eliot are together again. Surprise, surprise. Otherwise, it's been ok. Not the pure fantastic joy it once was, but better than the last two seasons. . .so far. I hold out hope. One of the new doctors is an extremely blunt and slightly cold no-nonsense type named Denise. I chuckle.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Grr. Arr.
My request for today: if you feel you absolutely must berate me and chew me a new asshole, please be sure to at least do it for something that I myself am responsible for and not or something I've no control or connection to.
Today was a "Take This Job and Shove It" day, but I kept as cool as I could and didn't go that route, as tempting as it was.
La di da di da. Onward.
Today was a "Take This Job and Shove It" day, but I kept as cool as I could and didn't go that route, as tempting as it was.
La di da di da. Onward.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Mark These Words
My word for 2009 aside, I do have certain goals for the coming year as well (not resolutions, just stuff I'd like to complete, and great if I do, oh well if I don't): win, grow, lose, continue, begin, end, win. This list makes complete sense to me, though I know that my avoiding definition/expansion makes the entire thing perhaps manipulatively vague--I apologize for this, but it'll remain as such for the nonce. I may/will elaborate as goals are met though. More likely will than may.
Last week a dear friend of mine sat me down to talk to me about my clearly being strongly depressed, and the intervention on their part moved me, but admittedly felt to have come from left field because I know that I've actually, as far as general emotions go,been more up than not and on a trend of up being more and more.
Then I read this blog and can see where a lot can be read into things here. I do gripe a decent amount sure. And clearly, reasonably, the passing of my grandmother left me depressed; at the time, motivating me out of bed was a task. Now, I remain sad, ever will, that she isn't here any more, but I'm at peace. I miss her and love her and live my life. You dig?
As much as I complain about my job, I'm actually thankful for it. It pays my bills, mostly, and cares for my family. I may grouse, and do work with thoughts towards something better, but I'm happy to be in the position I'm in when so many people are struggling so much harder right now. I feel fortunate.
Denise and I are in a really good place with our relationship. The kids are healthy and usually happy, always loved and loving. My appetites remain the same; my hobbies continue with the same attention as always. I live life looking forward to what the day will bring me and what I will bring the day.
I've never been the guy who walks around smiling like an insane person, and even at my happiest, I'm not a big laugher (which is actually hard with less lungs). There are days I may have a down mood, a moment of anger. Right now I have a great amount of worry for a large handful of my closer friends, which respecting all of their privacies is all I'll say there.
It makes me happy, touched even, to have been shown that I'm important to others and that they care, and it's because of this I feel I want to assure you all, when looking at my emotional state on whole, I am in a much better place than I was one or two years ago. I am happy.
And damn it, I will get happier.
Last week a dear friend of mine sat me down to talk to me about my clearly being strongly depressed, and the intervention on their part moved me, but admittedly felt to have come from left field because I know that I've actually, as far as general emotions go,been more up than not and on a trend of up being more and more.
Then I read this blog and can see where a lot can be read into things here. I do gripe a decent amount sure. And clearly, reasonably, the passing of my grandmother left me depressed; at the time, motivating me out of bed was a task. Now, I remain sad, ever will, that she isn't here any more, but I'm at peace. I miss her and love her and live my life. You dig?
As much as I complain about my job, I'm actually thankful for it. It pays my bills, mostly, and cares for my family. I may grouse, and do work with thoughts towards something better, but I'm happy to be in the position I'm in when so many people are struggling so much harder right now. I feel fortunate.
Denise and I are in a really good place with our relationship. The kids are healthy and usually happy, always loved and loving. My appetites remain the same; my hobbies continue with the same attention as always. I live life looking forward to what the day will bring me and what I will bring the day.
I've never been the guy who walks around smiling like an insane person, and even at my happiest, I'm not a big laugher (which is actually hard with less lungs). There are days I may have a down mood, a moment of anger. Right now I have a great amount of worry for a large handful of my closer friends, which respecting all of their privacies is all I'll say there.
It makes me happy, touched even, to have been shown that I'm important to others and that they care, and it's because of this I feel I want to assure you all, when looking at my emotional state on whole, I am in a much better place than I was one or two years ago. I am happy.
And damn it, I will get happier.
Friday, January 09, 2009
Where'd You Go?
Hey all! I'm here; I'm fine. Been a busy week with both cars breaking down and needing repairs, the kids returning to school from the winter break, Denise's deposition, work, etc. so I've just been trying to relax and ignore the computer a bit. Return to regular posting will commence next week.
Love ya.
Love ya.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Questioning the Answers
So without further comment, ADJ's annual, year end meme:
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
That I'm willing to share here? Prior to 2008, I'd never retracted a work resignation; I've never sued someone before 2008 either.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I no longer make New Years' resolutions. See my previous post.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes.
5. What countries did you visit?
This year was 100% California.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Peace.
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Geez, I don't even remember the specific date, but late Fall when I got the call about my grandmother.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Did I achieve anything this year? Being more gracious.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I didn't start writing my book.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing more than the usual and chronic ongoing yuckiness.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Nothing has given more consistent value and fun for its cost than Rock Band, but just because I lusted for one for so long, the PS3 goes here.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
I find a lot more joy in Rael's this year. Does that count?
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
John's.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Buying and repairing the Escort (ok, rent for the year was the most rent)
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Not a lot, I've felt pretty dead inside this year. There were good shiney exciting feelings: Cammie's visit, Chris' return, kids' birthdays & holidays.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
I don't think I could pick just one, or three.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder?
Sadder.
ii. Thinner or fatter?
'Bout the same really.
iii. richer or poorer?
'Bout the same.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Laughed.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Work.
20. How many one-night stands?
Zero.
21. What was your favourite TV program?
Pushing Daisies
22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is an extreme emotion I reserve for three people, none of which were new to the list this year.
23. What was the best book you read?
Goodness, unlike last year, I really didn't do much reading this year. I've been re-reading the Iron Tower trilogy by Dennis McKiernan, which I do enjoy, and I've begun reading the Rachel Morgan and Mercy Thompson (these are the characters, not the authors) series, both of which I enjoyed. I continue to start and not finish Neil Gaiman's Fragile Things.
24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
She & Him, and The Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
25. What did you want and not get?
(Game show announcer voice) A Brand New Car! Respect in job.
26. What was your favourite film of this year?
Tropic Thunder, Once, Juno.
27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
34 this year. Nothing special happened on my birthday this year. I was supposed to be at burger university but that got canceled, so I worked, and had to deal with a surprise corporate inspection on my birthday.
28. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
When not working, I dress for comfort, and occasional whimsy.
29. What kept you sane?
The kids, Saturday get-togethers.
30. Who did you miss?
More than anything/one, my grandmother.
31. Who was the best new person you met?
My gut answer to this doesn't count, because Cammie wasn't really new. And all the truly "new" people I've met have been fairly superficial, either "friends" on Facebook or new coworkers. Of them, I like Holly and Alex the most, respectively.
32. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Sometimes it's really hard, but really right, to just shut the fuck up.
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
That I'm willing to share here? Prior to 2008, I'd never retracted a work resignation; I've never sued someone before 2008 either.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I no longer make New Years' resolutions. See my previous post.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes.
5. What countries did you visit?
This year was 100% California.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Peace.
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Geez, I don't even remember the specific date, but late Fall when I got the call about my grandmother.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Did I achieve anything this year? Being more gracious.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I didn't start writing my book.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing more than the usual and chronic ongoing yuckiness.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Nothing has given more consistent value and fun for its cost than Rock Band, but just because I lusted for one for so long, the PS3 goes here.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
I find a lot more joy in Rael's this year. Does that count?
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
John's.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Buying and repairing the Escort (ok, rent for the year was the most rent)
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Not a lot, I've felt pretty dead inside this year. There were good shiney exciting feelings: Cammie's visit, Chris' return, kids' birthdays & holidays.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
I don't think I could pick just one, or three.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder?
Sadder.
ii. Thinner or fatter?
'Bout the same really.
iii. richer or poorer?
'Bout the same.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Laughed.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Work.
20. How many one-night stands?
Zero.
21. What was your favourite TV program?
Pushing Daisies
22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is an extreme emotion I reserve for three people, none of which were new to the list this year.
23. What was the best book you read?
Goodness, unlike last year, I really didn't do much reading this year. I've been re-reading the Iron Tower trilogy by Dennis McKiernan, which I do enjoy, and I've begun reading the Rachel Morgan and Mercy Thompson (these are the characters, not the authors) series, both of which I enjoyed. I continue to start and not finish Neil Gaiman's Fragile Things.
24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
She & Him, and The Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
25. What did you want and not get?
(Game show announcer voice) A Brand New Car! Respect in job.
26. What was your favourite film of this year?
Tropic Thunder, Once, Juno.
27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
34 this year. Nothing special happened on my birthday this year. I was supposed to be at burger university but that got canceled, so I worked, and had to deal with a surprise corporate inspection on my birthday.
28. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
When not working, I dress for comfort, and occasional whimsy.
29. What kept you sane?
The kids, Saturday get-togethers.
30. Who did you miss?
More than anything/one, my grandmother.
31. Who was the best new person you met?
My gut answer to this doesn't count, because Cammie wasn't really new. And all the truly "new" people I've met have been fairly superficial, either "friends" on Facebook or new coworkers. Of them, I like Holly and Alex the most, respectively.
32. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Sometimes it's really hard, but really right, to just shut the fuck up.
Unresolved
Those who have been reading here with me for a long enough time (or simply been running through the archives) will recall my aversion to making New Year's resolutions and that I instead choose a word for which I try to model my personal character and growth on in order to be a better me. Last year my word was grace. Personally, I feel as if last year's word was a resounding success for me in that the aeras of my life I felt could use more grace, have benefited form more grace; I do think the road to my goal on that one is still not done, though, and I'm going to keep working on that one. Probably will my whole life.
This year I'm going to keep grace going and choose a second word, a second concept. There are words I know I need to grow into more someday but am not ready to be that person yet (trust--I've lived my whole life being failed by people I trust, so I'm not quite ready to change my self concept on this one quite yet), and words that are attractive to me but ultimately too simple or simply not extensive enough (adventurous--I really can't think of much I could do that I'd want to do that would make me feel like a more adventurous person, so I'll just try to do some of these things without them being my word).
I've been talking about this alternate concept of resolutions at work and have gotten three folks to agree they should do it too, which is cool. I like to think that if the idea improves their lives I had a minuscule part in it. My friend Alex has said his word is "Evan," that his goal is to be more Evan. Knowing, more or less, precisely what he means by that, I can see it as a goal for him and approve.
But for me?
Sigh.
I reflect on the last couple years and feel as if I've lived through a lot of it fairly listlessly. There were pure wonderful moments, sure, but most of the time I just floated on. This last year has seen me growing a bit disconnected, to the point I really don't feel great fellowship with/towards my friends. I need to allow myself to feel more, to express emotion more, to just love life more. And so this year my word is, additional to grace, passion. Wish me luck?
So, what's your word going to be?
This year I'm going to keep grace going and choose a second word, a second concept. There are words I know I need to grow into more someday but am not ready to be that person yet (trust--I've lived my whole life being failed by people I trust, so I'm not quite ready to change my self concept on this one quite yet), and words that are attractive to me but ultimately too simple or simply not extensive enough (adventurous--I really can't think of much I could do that I'd want to do that would make me feel like a more adventurous person, so I'll just try to do some of these things without them being my word).
I've been talking about this alternate concept of resolutions at work and have gotten three folks to agree they should do it too, which is cool. I like to think that if the idea improves their lives I had a minuscule part in it. My friend Alex has said his word is "Evan," that his goal is to be more Evan. Knowing, more or less, precisely what he means by that, I can see it as a goal for him and approve.
But for me?
Sigh.
I reflect on the last couple years and feel as if I've lived through a lot of it fairly listlessly. There were pure wonderful moments, sure, but most of the time I just floated on. This last year has seen me growing a bit disconnected, to the point I really don't feel great fellowship with/towards my friends. I need to allow myself to feel more, to express emotion more, to just love life more. And so this year my word is, additional to grace, passion. Wish me luck?
So, what's your word going to be?
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