Mass

As noted in my previous entry, I went to the pulmunologist again on Thursday because I'd noticed an allergic reaction (big ass rash) after the bronchoscopy and wanted it checked out. He told me to stop taking the antibiotic (Avolex) because it wasn't needed afterall (and the rash has since disappeared...). He then had me hang around another two hours while he had the hospital get him the results to my biopsy early. Thankfully, I thought ahead and brought the book Drew sent me for my birthday and was able to finish the first novella while I waited.

So, the doctor eventually came in and gave me the news: the procedure went exceptionally well and impressive (whatever that meant). He then said the magically good news: the results of the biopsy affirm that the mass is most definitely not cancer. The next nanosecond was utter and complete relief and elation. I don't think I can really express how profound the statement was for me. Not cancer. Thank everyhting that's good in the universe. (Edit: Obviously, I'm a wee bit perturbed that they were wrong and it was cancer)

And then, of course, the other shoe drops.

While he was able to biopsy enough to confirm it wasn't cancerous, the mass is sizeable and very very enmeshed with the vascular system in my lung, which made him afraid to biopsy too much, for risk of me getting a cut that would be a bit too fatal--so he wasn't able to pull enough matter to run other tests and see if more could be learned. So, the mass is still there, it's big, and my arteries want to stop the doctors from helping me.

But wait, there's more.

The entire upper right quadrant of my left lung is necrotic; that whole portion of my lung, choked by this mass of evil, is dead. A quarter of my lung is dead and ripe for new infections, and could be getting worse.

So, I'm not seeing the pulmunoligist on Tuesday (since I have the results early).

On Monday morning, I'm returning to the hospital, where they're going to do a CT guided biopsy of the mass; this biopsy is to be more invasive. Apparently, the CT is supposed to be able to keep them from making me bleed to death.

Barring a miracle where the mass can be removed and my lung fortified and resurrected, they're going to have to follow up with another hospital visit soon after in order to remove the dead portion of my lung. As we don't know for certain this procedure will be needed (of course it will), I don't have a date for it yet.

This second biopsy and the surgery scare me. Right now, I don't have a whole heck of a lot of confidence in my chances of surviving surgery.

I wasn't going to share any of this news until everything was resolved. I'm extremely down right now and wanted to stew privately for a time. My darling wife, however, took it upon herself to share all this info far and wide without any concern for my privacy or wishes, so there's no point in wallowing in it alone now anyway. Regardless, if I make it out of the second biopsy, I might not report it for some days. Drew, Adj, blood relatives and anyone else with our home phone number, please feel free to call Monday evening/night if you want to know how it went.