Unresolved

Those who have been reading here with me for a long enough time (or simply been running through the archives) will recall my aversion to making New Year's resolutions and that I instead choose a word for which I try to model my personal character and growth on in order to be a better me. Last year my word was grace. Personally, I feel as if last year's word was a resounding success for me in that the aeras of my life I felt could use more grace, have benefited form more grace; I do think the road to my goal on that one is still not done, though, and I'm going to keep working on that one. Probably will my whole life.

This year I'm going to keep grace going and choose a second word, a second concept. There are words I know I need to grow into more someday but am not ready to be that person yet (trust--I've lived my whole life being failed by people I trust, so I'm not quite ready to change my self concept on this one quite yet), and words that are attractive to me but ultimately too simple or simply not extensive enough (adventurous--I really can't think of much I could do that I'd want to do that would make me feel like a more adventurous person, so I'll just try to do some of these things without them being my word).

I've been talking about this alternate concept of resolutions at work and have gotten three folks to agree they should do it too, which is cool. I like to think that if the idea improves their lives I had a minuscule part in it. My friend Alex has said his word is "Evan," that his goal is to be more Evan. Knowing, more or less, precisely what he means by that, I can see it as a goal for him and approve.

But for me?

Sigh.

I reflect on the last couple years and feel as if I've lived through a lot of it fairly listlessly. There were pure wonderful moments, sure, but most of the time I just floated on. This last year has seen me growing a bit disconnected, to the point I really don't feel great fellowship with/towards my friends. I need to allow myself to feel more, to express emotion more, to just love life more. And so this year my word is, additional to grace, passion. Wish me luck?

So, what's your word going to be?