I've had a couple odd dreams the past few days, trying to walk myself through self-analyzing them.
Dream One: I somehow convince the US Army to overlook the whole cancer survivor, not-having-two-lungs thing and enlist in the Army, entirely for the attention and so that everyone will shower me with the attention and love they shower on soldiers who are away from home. In the rush to emulate Chris I forget to make sure I get a job I want and will keep me safer, relatively, and end up a paratrooper and die.
Dream Two: (Not part of the dream, but back story--I had a managers meeting to attend this morning but skipped it because of the car being broken and Denise needing the other one so she could be at work). I go to the managers meeting anyway, and the kids and their sitter are attacked by a goon-for-hire with a shotgun, while I'm forced to stay and work a full shift; and though the kids are ultimately ok physically, are extremely traumatized when I return home.
Neither of these dreams were in any way pleasant to me. I feel like the first one speaks to my feelings about how useless my current job is, how it does nothing to better humanity on large or small scales and so, thusly, reflects on me as wholly unimportant; and my fears that if I tried to change things and be unimportant, the failure would be dramatic and catastrophic. I think the second one extends the job feelings and adds some monetary stress along with stress involved with our law suit over Lash's abuse by Bryan.
Today I'm missing my happy thoughts.
Monday, December 29, 2008
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1 comments:
That's pretty messed up sir, and i am sorry that the escape known as sleep has been perilous for you lately. I would say though, that even though you work for the devil, you are still part of a click that fulfills the hunger needs of people (if not the nutrition) so in that respect you should recognize that you do offer a service and are important to people outside of your immediate circle of family and friends. So next time you are feeling worthless because of your job, remember that you help hungry people get fed, and (it goes without saying) find a different job. Almost anything has to be better that what you have now.
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